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Last year our invitation list included people from my work place. One woman who was relatively new to the office was invited as well. We have drinks, but no one has ever gotten drunk...until last year. This person apparently brought her own "refreshment" along with enjoying ours. Later in the evening she was kind of making a scene, and at one point was asleep in our den. When it came time , we eventually drove her home - my wife driving her, I following in her car. She protested the whole way (almost an hour's drive) saying that she could drive herself, my wife yelling right back. It was not pretty.

Now, to complicate things, Sandy was bearing down on us to hit the next day, so when we got back (around 2 a.m.) We then proceeded to haul in all of our outdoor decorations - a project that lasted until about 5:30 a.m.

When I got to work Monday, nothing was said.

So... this year...we're inviting people from work again...do I invite her on condition, invite her with no conditions, or just not invite her? When everyone else is invited I hate to exclude, but last year's "performance" pissed us off.

Invited, I actually doubt she would attend anyway...

Thoughts?
 

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if she didnt apologize for her behavior to u last year immediately when she saw you the next time and say she didnt understand what got into her i would not invite her, unless shea your supervisor and if so i wouldnt have invited her in the first place. shell only male everyone uncomfortable and everyone will be watching her deink and waiting.
 

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I don't think you can invite her with conditions. Perhaps she realizes that she made a fool of herself last year and was a terrible guest. Maybe she was embarrassed afterwards. It seems rude to invite everybody but her. Not that you owe her anything. She screwed up and you and your wife had to do damage control. But do you think she deserves another chance? Doesn't everybody?
 

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A Wee Bit Wicked
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:(I would say no....just because if she did cause all that trouble and then did not have the good manners to personally apologize to you and your wife, she doesn't deserve a second chance. Sure everyone makes mistakes, but to make a mistake and then not be remorseful and apologize, then the responsibility it is definitely on her.....I say NO WAY.
 

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I definitely wouldn't invite her. Considering she was willing to drive herself home last year (if she didn't pass out) she could actually be successful in doing so this year in the while in the same state. She could get someone killed.
 

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I provide alcohol and let everyone know that they are welcome to stay the night if they want to bring their own pillow and blanket. Someone bringing their own alcohol is very welcome. Lots of people get drunk and laugh a bunch but thats really all. Maybe she was used to parties like mine. We never drive anyone home or take their keys from them (anymore, we did it once and someone screamed at me a bunch about it so no more, everyone is an adult and they should know their limit... I'm not their momma).

It would depend on the 'scene' she made. Was she really rude to anyone or did she just giggle and stumble? If I was ok with how she actually acted at the actual party, then I would invite her.
 

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Typical Ghoul Next Door
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Had practically the same experience with a friend/coworker at our first party. He drank on the way over from his own personal bottle of Yager, passed out drunk, work up and acted quite strange and tried to continue to drink. We kept him at our house as long as we could trying to sober him up and keep him from driving drunk, and it not only made our party much more stressful for us worrying over this, and we were really freaked out about the possibility of him hurting someone or himself on the way home (made him stay until around 5 in the morning, plying him with food, water and coffee).

We discussed several months out about what to do at our next party, and as he was a friend, my husband had a serious talk with him that if he became that drunk again, we were duct taping him to the tree in our backyard and letting him sleep it off. He apologized and behaved himself at the following party.

A friend gets a second chance, but if it hadn't been a friend, there is no way I'd ever have that person back in my house.
 

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If she did not apologize or show any sort of remorse, I would not invite her. It's your party, you have no obligations towards misbehaving people. If she is so ashamed she just wants to forget it does not save her, alcohol is not an excuse for that.

We have people drinking sometimes quite a lot in our parties, but we are such a tight-knit group so there is no awkwardness and no one is aggressive/rude etc.. Last year we had a new friend attend to our party, and he did have a bit too much to drink, and kinda made a silly scene..nothing serious but still. He was so ashamed and apologized like a million times and felt so sorry because he thought I would never invite him again... :D But I know he learned his lesson and he did get an invite this year. Tho everyone reminds him like once a week about his behavior... :D
 

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Question. Does everybody at your work expect to be invited to a party every year?
Invite who you want. If she comes to you personaly and asks why she was not invited, give her the reason why. If she then apologizes, invite her. If there is a repeat preformance call her a cab and send her home.
 

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Lord of the Cemetery
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Invite her... you could turn the den into a drunk tank and lock her in there until she sobers up enough to drive herself home..
The inevitable cries, howls of protest and unholy curses will add atmosphere to your Halloween party..:D:D
 

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I agree with the majority, don't invite her. As hallowicked said, if she comes to you and asks, explain the situation and of she seems genuinely apologetic, then u may want to reevaluate
 

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From her point of view, she may have been so embarrassed the next day that she didn't want to talk to you. HOWEVER the fact that she didn't apologize ever means that either she does not think her behavior was worthy of apology (wrong) or that she doesn't respect you enough to offer it. A party is for having fun, not causing you stress. If you think that someone showing up to your party causes more stress than fun, then don't invite that person.

As for how you tell her when it comes up, just say "I don't know Sally, last year was such a mess and it was really an inconvenience to us." Use vague terms like saying "last year was such a mess" instead of "YOU were such a mess" so you are not directly assigning blame or guilt to her but the message hits home. That way you can continue to work together without there being an issue.
 

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You are under no obligation to invite anyone to a party you want to give. Considering her behavior last year if it were me. I would not invite her. I would discreetly pass out invitations to those I would like to come so as to not rub her face in the fact she is not getting one. If she discovers she has not been invited and asks about it, I would simply say we have limited the number of guests this year.
 

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Unfortunately, I think things get more complicated than just "invite or don't invite" because you work with this person. I don't know what kind of work environment you have, but if there is a possibility of gossip or other fall-out from inviting everyone BUT this one coworker, then I'd rethink your strategy. Perhaps your invitation can specify "No Alcohol Permitted" if that is something that you & your wife agree with. Just that note on the invitation may be enough to dissuade someone who wants to party in that way.

I would be concerned that if other coworkers - even if they know about the fiasco from last year - feel "bad" for this woman not being invited when everyone else is, that it could result in some negative feelings towards you. I would want to keep my work environment as comfortable as possible, so with that in mind, do you have another coworker who might live closer to this woman that you could pull aside and casually say something to, like "Hey, Jack, I don't want to make a big deal out of something, but last year we had some trouble with Mary drinking too much at our party & needed to drive her home. We wanted to do that to keep her safe, but it caused some issues for us with clean up. I'm planning to include her again this year since we invite all our coworkers, but I'm wondering if I could count on you to drive her home if things were to get out of hand?".

Believe me, I definitely think this woman was in the wrong - at the very least, she should have sincerely apologized to you. But, since she is a coworker and you may be stuck with her for years to come, I'd lean towards keeping the peace at work.

Good luck with your decision!
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Thank you for all of the thoughtful responses. we'll have to give them some serious consideration before we decide.
 

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I had a similar situation with a guy I USED to work with who was invited to our party 3 years ago. I hadn't seen him in several years & we had reacquainted on Facebook so I sent him an invite. Lo and behold, and unbeknownst to me, he's a raging alcoholic as well as a pervert. He was seen trying to secretly photograph the breasts of all the women at the party who were in scantily clad costumes and got so drunk we had to carry him out to his car, where his wife drove him home. He actually sent me an email apologizing for his drinking but not the photography. He has never been invited back. You don't need unpredictable people at your parties, especially those with drinking problems. If your coworker never apologized or even thanked you for the care you took of her, she hasn't earned the privilege of being invited back, in my opinion.
 
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