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Clarification: Not A Man
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Discussion Starter #1
Hey folks, How about it, What do you think?
I am an observer, I like to watch more than participate. And I have seen a few of life’s events play out, and questioned most of it. One thing that I have taken notice more of is the Older/Younger relationship. The gap I see is normally 5-8 years, but every now and again I find a 10-15 year gap or more. Now mind you, the more the difference the less of a steady relationship, more like occasional dating and a well formed friendship. But there are those who make it last and end happily, (one case I have seen personally) but I have not seen many truly happy relationships in general so I’m biased and skeptical.
Now there are a lot of ways to view such a coupling and some are more positive than others. It’s not entirely fair to say he has her cause she’s arm candy, or she’s a gold digging set of expletives, but in some cases its too true to deny. And from a historical point of view this has been happening (at least older man/younger girl) for centuries.

I personally don’t have an issue with the idea. As long as it isn’t into creepy territory of emulating a parental figure (see below), or the age gap isn’t too outrageous (90-20). If it is two mature people finding a connection and enjoying each other’s company, the idea of dating older to younger doesn’t phase me much.
I have come up with some (mostly) reasonable Pros and Cons to the subject too.


Pros:
A sweet young thing to command
Sharing new and old experiences
Nubile and attractive partner
Big slap in the face to rotten Ex
Off chance of finding a ‘mature beyond their years’ youngster
Renewed opportunities … *wink wink* You know …
A shared interest across generational gap


Cons:
Youngster’s phase eventually ends
Adolescent whining
Seen as perverted
Accused of gold digging, sugar daddy/mommy, midlife crisis, etc.
Unstable relationship
Comments - ‘How sweet of your daughter/son to be out with you.’
You find the nut job with a mommy/daddy complex (Oedipus/ Electra)
Awkward for teenage/adult children from previous relationship
New partner wants kids


So with all that said, What are your opinions and commentary on the subject of (as its called now) Intergenerational dating?
Or if you have them, more true and/or amusing Pros and Cons to add to the list.
 

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MASTER OF ALL I SURVEY!
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:) My brother was 9 years older than his wife. They got married in 1962 and
were together for 46 years, up till her death from Leukemia in July 2006.
Sometimes they fought like cats and dogs, but they always made up.
 

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Clarification: Not A Man
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Discussion Starter #3
Wow Goblin. that's an amazing amount of time to be together (at least in more recent years)
its sad to hear she's gone. everything okay in the family?


anyone else with great stories to share?
 

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Oh boy, let's see. OEJ and I are 10 years apart. We met on eBay of all places back when you could email each other directly. He had outbid me on a magazine. I checked his profile to check his bidding history and he wanted something different out of it than I did so I worked a deal with him and we traded stuff back and forth. Then we started IMing each other. He came out to see me, which was strained but went okay, I came out here to see him and it was a disaster. Two years after we met, I picked up and moved from Ohio to Oregon. We are very happy. I'm the sweet young thing, but I'll be damned if anyone is going to command me to do a damn thing and OEJ will be the first to say so. I try to spoil him when I can, but I can dish out the harsh realities when I need to. I have to say we compliment each other rather well.

It's different for everyone but I'm wary of older guys that want young girls. My alarm bells go off. My first boyfriend was 8 years older than me. I was 16 and he was 24 and it was one of the bigger mistakes of my life. This was back when I was a sweet young thing that could be commanded but I didn't need any commanding. I very stupidly gave, gave, and gave of my own stupid, ignorant idiotic free will.
 

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MASTER OF ALL I SURVEY!
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Wow Goblin. that's an amazing amount of time to be together (at least in more recent years)
its sad to hear she's gone. everything okay in the family?


anyone else with great stories to share?
:) My mother was four years older than my father. They were married in 1936
and stayed together till he passed away in 1990. They had eight children,
thirteen grandchildren, twelve great-grandchildren, and three great great-
grandchildren! Momma passed away in 2002 at the age of 92.
 

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Clarification: Not A Man
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Discussion Starter #6
holy crap that's a big family Goblin!

its so nice to see that people have found and forged happy relationships despite the age gap ^__^

hey has anyone heard of the half + 7 rule?

its a really weird way to restrict the dating pool.... by that rule i can only date 17-26 year olds......:rolleyes:
 

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Queen of the Night
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Dogman my father was 17 years older than my mother (just 7 years older than my maternal grandfather). They were married 50 years before my father passed away. I never really thought about the difference in their ages until Dad died. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. All relationships take a lot of work no matter what the difference is in age.

Age is probably the last thing I would personally look at (not that I'm looking) it depends on what your values are and how they match up with your person of interest...I've been married 37 years so perhaps I'm not even qualified to comment. I wouldn't even "know how" to date anymore. But I think men and women look at this issue differently. It is socially more acceptable for men to grow older (and gain weight), but the rules are different for women. So I guess what I'm saying is that in my opinion it's much wiser to focus on what's inside the person instead of the wrapping. Oh by the way, my husband is 7 years older than I am and we met when I was 18, married when I was 19 (which in looking back I believe was way too young)
 

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My husband is 10 years older than me. When we first met (I was 21 years old) we became good friends for a two years in that time I didn't know his age because he look so young ( I wish I had his genes!!). Right before we started dating I found out his age.....at first I got aliitle weird but I thought one date won't hurt. We been married for 8 years now and I'm so glad we met and had our first date 12 years ago. People still can't believe our age difference because you can't till by looking at us.
 

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Provided your not breaking the law, the rules are pretty much out the window. A lot depends on the individual. Maturity isn't necessarily gained with age. Even experience is less age dependant than it used to be.

Factors such as illness (more likely as you age), children (do you want children when your older?), common interests and as ever, background (not to be discounted as much as some think) are all factors that can make or break an age gap relationship. Come to think of it, they can do that to any relationship.

If your happy together and the age gap isn't hindering the relationship, I say its your life. Live it and bugger what other people think or say. But for God's sake, don't embark on it for the selfish reasons in the first post ie: revenge, somone to "command" and especially not for the stupid and shallow reason of getting a more nubile sex partner. Not if your looking for anything long term anyway.
 

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Bah! Age isn't anything but a number, if you're into each other then it really shouldn't matter...
The heart wants what the heart wants - period.
(so long as they are above the age of 18yrs. of course...)

Before I was married, I dated widely on both ends of the spectrum - and each had its plus and minus sides...

I can tell you this: one of the bigger downsides to dating an older woman is that more likely then not - she has children. Not that dating somebody with kids is a bad thing: I mean quite the opposite in fact. Children, if you're into them that is, can enrich your life in ways you can't even imagine, until you experience it firsthand...
-BUT-
If it doesn't work out, you get double - and sometimes tripple - the heartbreak in the end...
not something many people want to put themselves through.

But I'm telling ya', those little crumb-munchers can wiggle their way into the hardest and most protected places of a persons being - so if you don't think you can recover from such a loss, I would advise dodging it altogether...

I must've been a glutton for punishment back in those days, because I put myself through that wringer time and time again...

And for the record: my wife is about nine years younger then me, but I'm immature - so it balances out nicely...
Sure, every now and again, we run into situations when the "generation gap" comes into play - but we just laugh it off, and then tease each other about it afterwards...

:D
 

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Queen of the Night
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But I'm telling ya', those little crumb-munchers can wiggle their way into the hardest and most protected places of a persons being - so if you don't think you can recover from such a loss, I would advise dodging it altogether...

I must've been a glutton for punishment back in those days, because I put myself through that wringer time and time again...

:D
This is a really good point Gwynplaine....and think what it does to the children who are already feeling some insecurities about the loss they were already trying to cope with before you came/went in their life. Children often blame themselves for adult problems. They question themselves about what it was "they" did, etc. It's something many adults forget to think about because they are trying to sort out their own thoughts about loss and rejection. Oh thank God I'm beyond those complex years and our family remained in tact. My children are now 31 and 33. Both are in stable relationships (at the time) and it's now MY time to have some freedom to enjoy the second half of my life.
 

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Join my Doomsday cult!
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I'd like to throw a little clarification out here, it might change the perceived tone of the original post.

The Dogman, is a young woman.

___________________________

While I do feel that many of the pros and cons that are listed in the first post are superficial, some even spiteful and vengeful, they are still legitimate concerns. I don't think they should be thought of as purely pro vs con, but rather as questions to yourself. "Am I doing this/feeling this way, because...it's a phase...it'll tick-off the ex...I just want some action...?"

I think the most important question is, "Am I being honest, open, and rational, with everyone involved? Even myself?" But that question should be asked about every relationship.

As for commanding... There is no commanding in a good relationship, there is mutual consent. In certain situations there may be what appears to be "commanding", but if the relationship has any strength, those "commands" are backed by respect for each other.
I think that perhaps the connotations of the word "command" go deeper than what was intended.
 

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Queen of the Night
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I totally agree with your thinking Lurks In The Shadows and your points were very well stated. Self-examination and self-knowledge are always a good place to start before entering a new relationship. As a matter of fact, they are useful tools when a relationship begins to run off course, or when you go your separate ways. I just don't think there is ever a cut and dry answer in relationship issues (good/bad, right/wrong, etc). Relationships require a lot of give and take and choosing your battles wisely.

As Dr. Phil would say, "Everything we do either contributes to the relationship, or contaminates the relationship." It takes two mature, committed people to work through the challenges that "will" occur along the way. I think you have to decide up front what the deal breakers are (examples: abuse, infidelity, dishonesty, substance abuse...etc) and make sure you are clear about where the bottom line is on those issues. You can work through everything else with time and patience.

My comments about children is relevant regardless of whether Dogman is male or Female. The world has changed since my generation landed on earth (I'm mid-century modern). There are many single fathers out their who are raising children these days.
 

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Clarification: Not A Man
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Discussion Starter #15
Whoops...

Ok I probably should have stated the above mentioned young woman thing in first post.
Strike one on stupid card…X

Should also mention that many of those Pro/Con things are mostly sarcastic. I know that sarcasm isn’t displayed well over the internet. :eek:
Stupid card strike two…XX

I should probably mention now that this was intended to be a fun little way of expressing your thoughts and sharing your experiences on a subject nearly everyone can look at and relate too.
As stated before I observe the goings on instead of participating. I’m the person at the party who, yeah maybe got up and danced a little or socialized a bit, but for the most part sits out of the way and watches people interact. I have also been the go to person on a couple occasions for relationship advice (no idea why, my friends all know what little experience I have there).
I am socially awkward in many situations especially that dating thing. I have a tendency to over think some things and deem other things to be absurd.
Possible strike three???

So yeah a few things mentioned were not proper form. Should have thought that over a bit more…
But!
So far everyone has had good responses, has shared wonderful stories that could help others keep themselves out of trouble ;)
Let's keep that car in motion and offer up what you've got!
 

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Queen of the Night
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Dogman you little devil! (that's a compliment here by the way) I totally agree we have a lot to learn from a healthy exchange of ideas on this topic. Heck, I like to exchange ideas on most any topic. I second you opinion about continuing the post and hope others will contribute.
 

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Grand WaZoo
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I'm a good 100 years older then my bride, since they just buried her this year!

Seriously, my Grandfather was 16 years older then my Grandmother and they had a very long and loving relationship. Though I often wondered what my Great Grandparent thought when their young 18 year old daughter was dating a 34 year old man. I bet it sure soured their stomach's some but then those were different days long ago when they married. Though history has a way of repeating it's self and now I have a son in-law who is 12 years older then my daughter. Nope sure didn't please dear old Dad at all but now I'm cool with it because what funny is she runs him and not the other way around.
 

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Ok, I don't even know where to start. Since I'm on the other side of the fence I see a lot of daddy/boy relationships. The kid is usually looking for an older more stable masculine daddy type. One friend of mine called his other half "Pa" and they got along great since that is what they wanted. Unfortunately, the older guy tends to be a player and likes to ditch guys after a couple years. Usually, I find it's the younger guy who likes to sew his oats and try new things (guys).
I met my other half when I was 21. Since I've always like older men it worked great. He was 41 by the way. Since I've always looked older and acted that way it was fine. I did get a kick out of it when we would go someplace to eat and they would ask what my father wanted. lol I think we just hit our 18 year anniversary, I'm just really lousey with those things.
Personally, I think it is all up to the couple and be damned what others think. If it works, great. As long as it's consensual and nobody is underage by an extreme then fine.
I use to find people my own age flighty and shallow. The older men were more stable, careing, and had a lot more knowledge to pass on. I make my other half more lively and younger while he teaches me responsibility, love, and commitment.

Good topic.
 

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Reaper Queen
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My daughter is dating a guy 6 years younger than her, and they get along great, even if it is too early(6 months) at this point to tell if they will stay together, my grandpa was 12 years older than my grand father, and that worked well, but if a couple truly love and respect each other, age should not play a factor
 
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