Halloween Forum banner

1 - 20 of 49 Posts

·
Seer of All
Joined
·
2,939 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
A dear friend of mine died last night after a long battle with cancer. On Saturday, instead of working on my cemetery fence and gate, I will be attending her funeral. I just don't know now if I can set up a mock cemetery in my front yard with her death so much on my mind. I feel kind of like scraping the whole thing and doing something completely different now but I don't know what I would do. I know I'll be sorry if I don't have a big display for the trick or treaters but now it just doesn't feel right, you know? Almost disrespectful? Plus, her son and mine are very close and I just don't want him to come over and have to look at all this stuff related to death so soon after losing his mom. I don't know. I'm probably not making any sense right now but I'm just trying to sort out what to do or not to do...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
668 Posts
I'm so sorry hun, *hugs* just do what you think is right and appropriate.
 

·
Typical Ghoul Next Door
Joined
·
7,289 Posts
I am so sorry - for you losing a friend and for her family's loss.

I totally get not wanting to set up the graveyard. If you really can't see yourself doing it (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with not feeling it this year!) you can easily just switch to all lights and pumpkins and spiderwebs and be the spooky haunted house.

Or take the year off on decorating and just have a JOL on the stoop, a bowl of candy for the TOTs and enjoy the costumes.

Nothing says you have to go big every year. It's what you feel like AND are comfortable with doing.

(big hugs) :(
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
298 Posts
Exactly. You do what you *feel* is best. You need to take care of YOU. I'm so sorry for your loss.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
414 Posts
Madame, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I agree with Frankie - if it doesn't feel right to you then decorate with more uplifting items. Smiling JOLs, lights, etc. Whatever your heart tells you. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
145 Posts
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I do agree about not wanting to be disrespectful, especially since her son will be coming over. You're very kind to be so considerate of his feelings.
 

·
Seer of All
Joined
·
2,939 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Thank you all for your kind words. I'm going to talk to my son about it when he gets home and get his take on things as well.
I know I will do something, I just don't know what it will be now. It's so late to be starting over. I was so excited about my gravedigger prop and new fence. But I can't seem to separate it all from the current reality.
I do have my three witches I could put out but nothing else to go with them to fill in the rest of the yard.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
145 Posts
Maybe you could keep the fence, put out a big cauldron, and make the grave digger the witches' victim. Just a thought...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,720 Posts
I'm so sorry for your loss. I kind of know what you're feeling. My father passed away on Christmas last year. But the whole ordeal started the day before Halloween. He did come to my house on Halloween. I was busy running around preparing for my chili party and finishing up with outside decor and couldn't really visit with him and the chili was too spicy for him to eat. I didn't know it would be the last time he would be at my home. I replay that day, and the months up till the end, in my head constantly and am haunted by it.

I've been changing up my theme for the last several years, but always have a graveyard scene. Well this year I decided to have a tribal theme, and no graveyard. I just really didn't think I could get into making tombstones, and I still have yet to have my father's marker ordered. Now it doesn't bother me to see Halloween graveyards or tombstones and such, but I just didn't want to get into that this year. My cemetery fence will still go up, but will be turned into tribal fencing. I don't know what tribes have a fence, but mine will!

Maybe you should just take some time to grieve, take it easy, and see how you feel in a little while. I know its different for you as you were in the midst of your planning for this year, but if your friend knew you were so enthusiastic about Halloween, she may have wanted you to continue with what you love.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,081 Posts
Sorry to learn of the passing of your friend Madame Leota. Totally understand your feeling that way and I think it shows a great sensitivity towards her son too given that the kids hang out together. I think after talking to your son you'll do what will be best this year.

If you don't set up the cemetary, yes, definitely use the fencing. It will help keep kids from handling your props anyway. And fences are cool besides. Add some spooky cloth or moss and a few crows for some interest. A witches gathering would be great. Maybe set up a table of some sort (even a box covered with spooky cloth since it's the last minute) with spell casting items (can be easily thrown together) would add something to the scene. Maybe even make it look like a large stump in the forest rather than a table (if you have something round and low to the ground to use). If you have trees nearby add long streamers of stretched out black plastic sheeting to make it look more like a weeping willow tree. With some lighting strategically placed to highlight things it could end up being a really nice fenced in area.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
68 Posts
In 2000, my mom died the week before Halloween. I decided not to do anything, just couldn't do it.

But then Halloween night arrived and it didn't feel right. So I slapped together some tarps around the front door and gave the ToTs a great scare.

Do what you feel like, but don't put everything away. You never know what you'll feel that night.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
719 Posts
I've been through losing a friend and not wanting to do the graveyard or even any thing that seemed bloody, etc. one year so I am so very sorry for your family and the friend's family. I lost a wonderful friend in a car wreck ( a very BAD car wreck) and for that year's set up I only had something simple. Take a little time to think about things and it will come to you how to best handle everything. My thoughts are with ya...
 

·
Funeral Crasher
Joined
·
7,443 Posts
Sorry to hear about your loss.
As far as a fake cemetery being disrespectful, I don't think so.
The way I look at it, Death is a part of LIFE.
 

·
A Great Pumpkin
Joined
·
3,103 Posts
MadameLeota I'm so very sorry for your loss. Maybe you could set up a section of the fence & use it to drape lights in front of or around a couple of bales of hay that have your JOLs on it (if you feel up to them.) The idea of a scene with the witch in the forest is a good one. Keep it fun & lighthearted.

Take care of yourself - you've a very kind heart. I hope your days become brighter!

Ween
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
60 Posts
I am really sorry about your loss; one can never be prepared for death and what it brings, dealing with your feelings is an emotional battle and sometimes it just feels like you can't win. Please, be strong!

I know you are suffering and mourning right now, I've experienced exactly what you're feeling, but I want to share my idea with you. Halloween was intended (from the early beginnings) by many cultures to pay respects to the dead, to give respects that those who are deceased and let them know they are still within your thoughts. Many people aren't aware of this of even the history of Halloween, for most it's just a night of candy and spooks. I'm not sure if your friend knew or not of your passion for Halloween, like all of us here, but if she did, I'm sure it would sadden her spirit to see you give up. I believe you should do this for her, to dedicate your display to her respects in the original traditions of Halloween, but I also believe in times of trial, one can sometimes only feel emptiness and difficulty in going on with things.

Take care, I wish you luck in finding strength through this!
 

·
"They won't stay dead."
Joined
·
1,366 Posts
First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. :(

My personal thought on this is based on my past experiences. The last night I saw my late brother alive many years ago was on Halloween. He had the most silly green goop on his face and with that goop was the most wonderful smile. Shortly after that night he was gone. Because of that reason for many years my beloved Halloween was also one of the toughest holidays I had to face because I could always see him and remember that was the last time I saw him. Now I try to go all out because I knew he loved Halloween too. I don't necessarily verbalize this but I do it in his memory. He would have loved what I do with my home and I'm sure he is here with us on Halloween night. :)

After all that my thought is was your good friend a Halloween-gal too? Did she know your love of the holiday and have fun right along with you? You absolutely are the only one who truly will know what you feel is right but perhaps she wouldn't want you to change a thing? Your son is close to her son so perhaps you could talk to her son and see how he would feel? Maybe he wouldn't want you to change anything either?

Whatever your decision you will do what is right. My thoughts are with you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
93 Posts
I definitely agree with so many others on here...you have a very kind heart and it is incredibly sensitive of you to think of their thoughts and wishes before creating a display that could be considered disrespectful.

I myself was diagnosed with a form of Leukemia called CLL in March of this year and today received the last chemo cycle for my protocol. I feel very blessed to be in remission, and also feel very deeply for those less fortunate than I have been. My thoughts and prayers are certainly with you and the family that lost their loved-one.

All that said, I think my family knows how much I enjoy the Halloween season and for me, I would hope that they would know that I support them with anything they feel comfortable doing should something happen to me. I love celebrating all holiday seasons, and Halloween is definitely one of my favorites.

My opinion is that you simply do the things that you feel the most comfortable with, and certainly discussing this with your son sounds like an excellent first-step to your decision. I also agree that you should not put away all your things until after the season in-case you should feel differently at the last minute.

Again, thought and prayers are with you all during your difficult time. Best wishes for the upcoming holiday seasons, as we know they can all be difficult after a recent loss.
 

·
AKA - S.M. Barrett
Joined
·
1,084 Posts
I back everyone else here - do what you think is best. Everyone mourns in their own way, and what you are experiencing is normal, completely understandable and not at all uncommon.

Just remember, part of Halloween is what you're going through right now. It's a recognition of death, of endings, of waning days and fading light. It's a massive mix of symbols that western cultures have thrown together as a natural acknowledgment of our mortality.
Don't think of a cemetery display or grinning skulls as disrespectful. They are images we use to signify our awareness of death, to come to grips with it, if you follow me.

If they are too much for you this year, cool. That's perfectly okay.
Go for something else.
Celebrate Halloween, and if you need to, take a moment on the 31st to remember her, to wish she was there amidst all the usual All Hallows chaos and silliness.
Missing her is appropriate at Halloween, the original Memorial Day.
 

·
Seer of All
Joined
·
2,939 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
Thank you all so much - your kindness and words of wisdom are just what I need! And thanks especially to those who shared their personal experiences - I'm sorry for your losses as well.

You know, I've never thought of a mock cemetery on Halloween being disrespectful before - I think it's just the timing. The fact that I had this saturday planned to be my last big prop-building day before the big October set-up, but ironically I will be in a real cemetery where my friend will be put in the ground. Bad timing, no doubt.

Yes, she knew of my love for Halloween but, much as I loved her, she was one of the eye-rollers! She just never got it.

I'm still thinking. I know I will still do my yard in as big of a way as I can. And, who knows? I may decide the graveyard is ok afterall. Or I may end up with a yard full of happy jack o lanterns! That would really shock the neighborhood! ;) Thanks for all the suggestions, btw!
 
1 - 20 of 49 Posts
Top