[TK421]

HOLY CRAP!!!

That was fantastic!! Extremely well done video!

With a video that brilliant, I would word the letter with a more stern, authoritative manner. Don't ask for assistance and compliance -- demand it. Have a strong "OR ELSE" undertone to the note.

"You are being contacted by the Centers for Disease Control regarding an ongoing investigation into a possible Biohazard Level 4 outbreak of unknown origin. Surveillance and epidemoligical studies have concluded that three members of the Russo Family are currently unaccounted for and may be infected with this unidentified BL4 hazard. Containment is top priority."

I don't want to write the whole thing for ya, but you get the idea. Hit them with a constant afront.

YOU are being contacted...

YOU are in possible danger...

YOU are required to follow these procedures...

YOU are required to travel to the following address...

Also, just a tiny grammer thing, when using numbers ten and under, it's S.O.P to spell them out.



Oh, got this from wikipedia -- thought it might get the juices flowing.

Biohazard Level 4: Viruses and bacteria that cause severe to fatal disease in humans, and for which vaccines or other treatments are not available, such as Bolivian and Argentine hemorrhagic fevers, H5N1(bird flu), dengue fever, Marburg virus, Ebola virus, hantaviruses, Lassa fever, Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever, Y. pestis, and other hemorrhagic diseases. When dealing with biological hazards at this level the use of a Hazmat suit and a self-contained oxygen supply is mandatory. The entrance and exit of a Level Four biolab will contain multiple showers, a vacuum room, an ultraviolet light room, autonomous detection system, and other safety precautions designed to destroy all traces of the biohazard. Multiple airlocks are employed and are electronically secured to prevent both doors opening at the same time. All air and water service going to and coming from a Biosafety Level 4 lab will undergo similar decontamination procedures to eliminate the possibility of an accidental release.

 

[TK421]

Please, please, please understand that what you have done is absolutely amazing. Completely above and beyond. Totally high quality and stunning. Following the feel of Cloverfield, [REC], etc.

You asked for feedback, so I'm offering some. I mean no offense.

The video is so well done, I think the letter should match. I think it should have a more ominous tone, that's all.




Of course, all of this makes the little two-tone invitations I print out at work look like total crap -- so that's a lot for that!

 

[MsMeeple]

Please, please, please understand that what you have done is absolutely amazing. Completely above and beyond. Totally high quality and stunning. Following the feel of Cloverfield, [REC], etc.

You asked for feedback, so I'm offering some. I mean no offense.

The video is so well done, I think the letter should match. I think it should have a more ominous tone, that's all.




Of course, all of this makes the little two-tone invitations I print out at work look like total crap -- so that's a lot for that!

Don't be begging and explaining yourself lol You gave excellent feedback in a very positive way. I'm sure the feedback was received in the manner it was intended
Now, if you could just give my boss some lessons on giving feedback......lol

MsM

 

[Mandathewitch]

That video totally creeped me out, and was completely Awesome. I do however agree with TK, the Letter seemed more like an Invitation rather than a demand... Remember the government doesn't invite you places, they tell you where to be and when... Especially with an entity like the CDC...

I would personally also make the Date Time and Address much more Prominent... The Govt would have an entire line dedicated to the Date and Time, and that would be Bolded, and then the address would be 2 or so lines below that.

------------------------------------------

ex.
Our Team will meet you at the scene of our Investigation as Follows:

Please Arrive at exactly 9pm on October 24, 2009

Location:
123 Main St
Anytown, NY 12345

----------------------------------------

It's all about formatting and sounding official!! You don't have to Command people to be somewhere, but telling them that they WILL show up at the specified time and place sounds like your place is THE place to be!!

BTW... This is actually an incredibly creative invite. We have been trying to come up with a plan for this years, and every time I see an awesome one like this it makes me freak out a little more because we have NOTHING yet and it's almost August!!!

 

[Junit]

That's fantastic!

 

[kenswift]

I think the suggestions are awesome and thankfully they are just about the invite, which is a quick fix. Video changes are rougher. I am going to make the changes and PM you to get your opinion if thats cool with you. The whole front of the house will be covered in 10mil plastic with quarantine signs. The guests will be greeted with people in hazmat suits and gas masks. They walk through my stoop which is not enclosed and it will shoot them with air and trigger the fog machine.

 

[Mandathewitch]

that makes it even more awesome!! I totally love the idea of the hazmat people and the plastic. Our party themes seem so mundane compared!!! Next Year is going to be MUCH more fun that this year.... (yeah, we already have our themes for the next 3 years planned out!!!)

Throwing an idea out there.... May I suggest, in addition to the hazmat people, that your front yard portray some sort of half-assed cleanup effort... Perhaps some clear bags with body parts in them, maybe some empty "bleach" 5 gallon buckets laying around... perhaps some dried blood on the plants... Kind of make it look like something REALLY gruesome happened there, and when your guests showed up that Hazmat ran out of time and just left things lying around....

 

[MorbidMariah]

Oh, I like that, Manda! Mwahahaaa!! Ken, your party just sounds more and more cool all the time!

 

[Pumpkin King]

I likes

Message too short

 

[HappyScientist]

WOW!

I think we all want to be invited to this party.

I'm going to have to go search your other posts for more details! I'm loving the theme!

 

[HappyScientist]

Ok, I looked and you haven't given us nearly enough details haha!

Do you know what kind of food you'll be serving, games you'll be playing, drinks you'll be drinking?
I think you've done a great job so far! I can't wait to see more!

 

[kenswift]

Not sure about the food. I do know we have a life size open chested cadaver that we will be filling with a tin of pulled pork for people to eat out of.

As far as the game, this is my idea. I am open for suggestions though.

First - I am making a video with Professor Ford from my invite:
He will talk about the virus and the effects with flashes of zombie clips from movies.
He will them let everyone know that the virus has mutated and all guests have been infected. He is on the verge of finding an antidote but needs samples from 5 cadavers. Th cadavers have been dismembered and must be reassembled for samples to be taken.

We will give each guest a piece of a puzzle (or pieces). They have to assemble their puzzle and that will be there team. I figure 5 or 6 people per team. Then they have to find the body parts and reassemble the cadaver pictured in their puzzle. The body parts will be scattered all around our property and in our basement. The first team to assemble their body wins.

I have will also have made syringes filled with green jello shots, which will be the antidote administered before the guests leave.

 

[Not-so-sunny-lane]

This is AWSOME. It makes me want to do a party just so I can steal your invitations.

 

[kenswift]

Hows this for the redone version. I think I am going to add at the end, "We expect your full compliance"

Let me know and thanks for the advice.

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