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Discussion Starter #1
Guess I have to throw in the towel! Looks like I won't be able to decorate for Halloween after all - my partner has had enough and I was just getting started! I have 4 skellys up now with Haunting Helsa and Victoria from Grandin Road plus 3 tombstones and 4 12" signs that say Dead Zone, Insane Asylum, Enter If You Dare, etc. All the lights and decorations and props from last year aren't even out yet!

We talked about my desire (need?) (obsession!) to put my haunt together a few weeks ago and it sounded like he agreed - reluctantly, of course. But I've had it! I had to have one more conversation / argument about how he doesn't want to house all dead zoned and zombied out and wants peace - even the idea of asking him to bring the ladder out is causing a stress attack!

I might have some items for sale soon! Ugh! Hope all is well out there and that you guys are able to haunt to your hearts content!

HarleyQuinn07
 

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HarleyQuinn, my hubby is somewhat the same way. No interest in decorating...for any holiday really...he doesn't even like to celebrate birthdays....even his...I only set up for halloween night that day and we take it down together that night. He's okay helping me with that end of it. I think that's about all he can take so I don't push it on him for more than that. He must have had a really bad time at the holidays as a kid. Don't know how else to understand it. Really sad. Actually I think he was a precocious kid and prided himself in being intelligent for his age and so never believed in anything based on tradition or what have you. He can suck all the joy out of holidays though as a result and I try to remind him that holidays are important to others as well. He's actually a really great guy other than that and even enjoys spending time with our neighbors and their kids. Decorating for halloween makes me happy and let's me be creative so it's one way he can do something nice for me and tone down his groussing during that time. We kind of do this halloween dance of wills every year, "Are you going to put up Halloween this year?" "Of course" grumble, grumble, grumble. He does hand out candy and actually enjoys seeing the ToTers come up to the house. At first he would just say Happy Halloween and give them their candy. I explained that for many of these kids this is a huge night because they can dress up and he's pretty good now about complimenting them on their costumes. Probably the best I can expect. Oh and the last two years he's taken to wanting to select some of the candy we hand out. Says most of it is crap and doesn't want to promote it. Does your partner hand out candy at all or does he turn off the lights and pretend he's not home?

Sorry to hear it's causing strife for you. Any chance you can compromise somehow? Maybe decorate at a friends instead. Hate to see you miss out on the fun you clearly would have decorating for it.
 

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I am fully in agreement with vonroll's insight. If your relationship has redeeming factors, look to compromise to an extent, careful not to lose your true self along the way; otherwise, ditch the person for someone more worth your time and spare the current partner the 'hardship' of dealing with your Halloween obsession.
 

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I agree...if you two are well together in other ways, and are truly happy...then maybe try to find a compromise for this specific issue. You could try to only decorate your major themes in certain rooms or have scenes outside on a porch or such...that way there are some rooms in the house that are much more relaxed in decor, maybe just small, nice accent pieces in those rooms to keep your man happy. Relationships are about compromise. One sided relationships don't end up working well, and I hope that's not how you two are going about things. You deserve to be with someone who loves you for your interests, even if he isn't as into them....he just needs to respect your interests and let you be happy doing what you do...just as you should do for him. This brings us back to compromise. A compromise is what will make you both happy in the end...not one side gets more than the other. If this situation is going to be a constant issue for every holiday or celebration and compromises cannot be made...then maybe he is not right for you, or you for him? It's difficult to give the best advice not knowing all the details or how you two are together...but all we can say is that you shouldn't let someone change you, nor should you change them. You should love and accept each other for who you are. Talking to him and trying to find a compromise is the first best step. Don't give up on your holiday love and decorating...I hope you guys can come to a happy conclusion to this decorating problem! :)
 

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I'm so sorry and sad to hear that you have to give up Halloween to 'keep the peace' That just isn't right! It's such an odd line to draw. One day out of the year - big deal. Weren't you into Halloween when you met?

I'm sure your partner has hobbies, interests, passions that you don't share or even understand.
 

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Resident Potterhead
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my husband has plenty of hobbies that annoy the crap out of me but i still let him do them.. and his hobbies are expensive! (cars, guns, knives, medieval type stuff.. etc)

maybe see if your significant other will compromise because it isnt fair for you to have to give up something you love just to make him happy.. he shouldnt even be asking that of you. surely he can put his own problems with halloween aside so you can have your one month of fun.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thanks vonroll, Ghost of Spookie, Garyhgoyle, WitchyKitty, Palladino & mariposa0283! I really appreciate your reply to my post!

vonroll and Garthgoyle: Thanks... I totally agree! Scary thoughts but you are totally right! :/

Ghost of Spookie & WitchyKitty: Mine is the same except he doesn't help with the candy and would prefer to have the light off. (I was ok with that for the first few years but finally had my haunt set up last year. This year, was planning to do 2x as much... 3 projectors plus 4 life size props, 6 skellies, etc. oh... and hallowicked's fab zombie sign! Nothing major but we do have a small yard. I'm looking into decorating the non-spooky stuff at a friends house and maybe my neighbors place. Halloween is just one of the many differences and "issues" we have, ugh... def feels like we are wasting each others time! I'm in the process of figuring out if I'll setup some things - not too spooky - at my friends place (her 6 year old isn't ready for most of my stuff) and perhaps the rest at my neighbors house. He helped me more than my partner last year... with extensions cords, hanging stuff, etc.!

Palladino & Marioosa0283: I didn't have an opportunity to decorate before last year... and yes, he has a few passions that I either participate in or let him do as he pleases! Of course! I totally feel that allowing me to decorate (I buy all and do 98% of work... I need help with heavy ladders, etc.) should be a non-issue and not even worthy of an argument!

Really really appreciate all your comments and feedback. My fellow haunters... what would I do without you!

Bummed but really looking forward to seeing all the great work here on the forum and maybe figuring out how I might still be able to have some fun here on my own...

Thanks All!
HarleyQuinn07 :/ :)
 

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Blue Pill? or Red Pill?
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Is it just halloween that he hates? Well I am going to disagree with some of the folks above. If he just doesnt like halloween, give christmas decor a try. Then give Halloween a revisit. If still no, then is your relationship or halloween more important? Its not like he is asking you to change your religion, beliefs or the way you look. We all need to be sensitive to others needs too. How long have you been together? Sometimes younger relationships have these issues. If he is going to be staying for a long time, then learn to work with it. Eventually he will just accept it, but not necessarily like it.
My hubby (of 30 yrs) likes halloween - not just YEAR ROUND like we all do here.
 

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Good point Matrixmom. The way your hubby feels about Halloween is the way I feel about Christmas. My wife knew I did not like Christmas that much when we got married, but now 16 years later, I am fine with it. It’s not my favorite by I don’t stop her from having her fun. (Even if she stops me from having some of my fun on Halloween.) I suggest just starting small and work on creating traditions each year. I'll bet he will come around.
 

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Is it just halloween that he hates? Well I am going to disagree with some of the folks above. If he just doesnt like halloween, give christmas decor a try. Then give Halloween a revisit. If still no, then is your relationship or halloween more important? Its not like he is asking you to change your religion, beliefs or the way you look. We all need to be sensitive to others needs too. How long have you been together? Sometimes younger relationships have these issues. If he is going to be staying for a long time, then learn to work with it. Eventually he will just accept it, but not necessarily like it.
My hubby (of 30 yrs) likes halloween - not just YEAR ROUND like we all do here.
Do you really think she should have to choose between her relationship and Halloween? If her partner truly sees Halloween as a deal breaker there are bigger issues here. I don't think that Halloween is the issue at all. It's being asked to give up a harmless hobby that gives her pleasure. It doesn't impact on him. She's paying for it. She's doing the work. So he has to carry a ladder out the garage for her. Is that so much to ask? He finds Halloween distasteful? I' bet she's the one who cleans the toilet.

Whenever I hear about compromise in relationships, it's always the woman who is asked to do it. :mad:
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Please don't stop doing what you love. It is who YOU are and stifling it will just cause bitterness in the long run.

Make sure to show us some pics of your haunt! ;)
Mistress of the Abyss: Thanks for the comment... I'm afraid that you are right. However, I guess it would be considered one "more" thing towards making me bitter. We don't do date night, going out for a nice dinner, etc. anywhere near as much as I'd like to, etc. Guess I'm high maintenance and picky. :/
 

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Just a couple of thoughts... IMHO, it's great for partners to have different interests (lucky for me, I love my DH's interest in BBQ, cuz I get to taste everything!! Bad news is, I've gained 40 pounds since we got married!). But it's awfully difficult to have to give up an interest for a love interest. ~~ My DH wasn't all that interested in our high unholy holiday before he met me. Now, he's into building props and learning all about pneumatics and using controllers. He's learning all about Halloween with me and I'm learning how to smoke meats with him. I'd never ask him to give up the BBQ contests just because they're a LOT of work and expensive. He'd never ask me to stop decorating or sell all of the props I've collected over the years.

Second thought, and it's just a comment - take it or leave it. It took me 40 years to find my soul mate. I'd been in a couple of relationships, but none were "perfect for me," until I met him. Don't settle for less than "perfect for you." :)
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Is it just halloween that he hates? Well I am going to disagree with some of the folks above. If he just doesnt like halloween, give christmas decor a try. Then give Halloween a revisit. If still no, then is your relationship or halloween more important? Its not like he is asking you to change your religion, beliefs or the way you look. We all need to be sensitive to others needs too. How long have you been together? Sometimes younger relationships have these issues. If he is going to be staying for a long time, then learn to work with it. Eventually he will just accept it, but not necessarily like it.
My hubby (of 30 yrs) likes halloween - not just YEAR ROUND like we all do here.
Thanks Matrixmom: No, it's not just Halloween, I think it's my excessive obsessions / OCD in general. I guess if I had a pumpkin and another prop it'd be fine but I wanted to go all out this year... and I've been saying so for several months! I made it clear that I really wanted to do this but I guess he's feeling like I'm being insensitive or perhaps like he's not being "heard". Kinda like, "it's not about the parking spot"... but then argue about the parking spot for 30 mins once a week. For Christmas, I usually do approx a 7' tree with decorations on it, a wreath on the door, 2 poinsettias on porch and maybe 3-4 decorations on the mantle the size of a gallon of milk - nothing major... no lights outside, etc. I'm content with just that for Xmas. I indicated that Christmas would be the same... it's Halloween that I really wanted to plan for. The house is small and I've never put a nail in the wall cuz he asked me not to... yes, you read that right. :/

About 12 years but living together for past 5 years. I'm mid-30s, he's much older than I which is not an issue. It's just all the stuff we don't have in common... I have bad habits :) cocktails, smoking, love movies, appetizers, trying different restaurants, Halloween, shopping, etc. He's a health nut. While I know its not his thing, I was hoping he'd just let me run with my ideas and offer to help or at least happily get the ladder, break out his saw or drill, etc. Instead, I was kinda trying to figure out how to find a handyman cuz it really would have been cool to have made that swaying zombie prop that was posted a few weeks ago! :/ Mama-Mia!
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Do you really think she should have to choose between her relationship and Halloween? If her partner truly sees Halloween as a deal breaker there are bigger issues here. I don't think that Halloween is the issue at all. It's being asked to give up a harmless hobby that gives her pleasure. It doesn't impact on him. She's paying for it. She's doing the work. So he has to carry a ladder out the garage for her. Is that so much to ask? He finds Halloween distasteful? I' bet she's the one who cleans the toilet.

Whenever I hear about compromise in relationships, it's always the woman who is asked to do it. :mad:
Thanks OctoberDream.

Palladino: I really appreciate your input. While he's not saying "don't decorate, it's clear that he'd prefer to not have to go through the hassle of bring the boxes down from the attic and having to step over the life-sized props I moved from the lawn to the covered porch just in case it rained. But who cares right! Am I not worth just doing it happily cuz it makes me smile?!?! Of course I am!!! :D. Really, I am!!!

You are correct, it's the giving up of the harmless hobby... however I do believe its actually impacting him... I just don't know why or how. I've asked if Halloween was a bad time in his childhood, but frankly I think all his childhood holidays weren't great. But, the way I see it, why continue to make them bad? Lets get along and just have fun putting the props out with this music on, etc. Bottom line, its not really about Halloween, its just another thing that he wants me to stop obsessing about... I guess he'd be good with anything in moderation... I have a hard time with moderation when it comes to things I love. :/
 

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Good grief, I'm sorry you're going through this. To me, there's a fine line between not getting in the holiday spirit and actually picking fights over it. If one was putting Halloween or anything for that matter, above responsibilities, such as paying bills, then I can see where fights would happen. If that isn't the case, then there shouldn't be an issue. My husband doesn't get into any holiday. Although he sometimes has a bad attitude on holidays, he's never picked a fight with me over my decorations or anything. He'll occasionally tell me I have too much stuff, in which I simply reply, "No way, I don't have enough!". If I was ever asked to give up Halloween/holidays, I'd seriously be at a loss. I shouldn't have to give up something I love when it causes no harm. Why would one even ask that of someone they love when they know how much joy it brings them? Follow your heart, darlin' and stay true to yourself.
 

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Do you really think she should have to choose between her relationship and Halloween? If her partner truly sees Halloween as a deal breaker there are bigger issues here. I don't think that Halloween is the issue at all. It's being asked to give up a harmless hobby that gives her pleasure. It doesn't impact on him. She's paying for it. She's doing the work. So he has to carry a ladder out the garage for her. Is that so much to ask? He finds Halloween distasteful? I' bet she's the one who cleans the toilet.

Whenever I hear about compromise in relationships, it's always the woman who is asked to do it. :mad:
HA!! I was always the one who had to compromise. That blanket statement doesn't fly at all
 
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