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2,692 Posts
Im sorry youve been let down and for everything your going through. You seem like a thoughtful person and well articulated, just that you have self esteem issues. I would like to think talking things through/out with a counselor of sorts could possibly help you and have separate sessions with your mother and you. So one session for you and sessions for your mother and yourself. You both may be surprised by what each other is feeling/thinking.
Sounds like your father also isnt supportive and that helps add fuel to the fire for your mother. She is possibly dealing with his issues as well, that can take a toll on someones mental faculties. She also could have an un-diagnosed disorder herself, who knows for sure but a doctor?
Look, Im not a parent, but I did grow up with a mentally abusive father. Nowadays people call them troll dads and theres tons of memes online, my dad was a troll dad and he affected me in many ways. I did go to counseling because I started to feel and act alot like you in my Junior year of school.
My dad expected a perfect student all the while mentally abusing me, I still have mental anguish/scars from that period in my life (im 34 now) and could be considered partially a woman child. However, the counseling really did help get me through that period in my life, if I didnt do so then, I dont know where I would be by now, probably someplace very bad.
I still acted out and went out on school nights to dance clubs, etc, looking back, I guess I was essentially self abusing myself. I used to feel great empathy for complete strangers and was a very emotional child when I lived with my father in my years 11-18. Now its hard for me to connect to anyone, Im outgoing when I need to be but it is somewhat false. I want to be that crazy friend who will do anything but inside I just feel like being by myself or with a few close friends. (All I really feel I need anyway). Though the only person who calls me regular is my mother, and my friends are online here on the forum and in this one game I play. We are all very supportive and close.
My father one day confessed that he never felt close enough to love me as his own child because my grandmother pushed him away when it came to parenting, so he didnt get to bond with me and never felt like he cared about my well being beyond what was his legal obligation to do, I was 16 then. His job was to make sure I lived until I was 18 then I can do what I want with my life. He refused to help me with college though, which is kinda hilarious because I was still on honor roll at graduation and he was always so critical of my grades and to be as perfect as could be. This was the time, if any, that the parent needed to step in and help his child for the next step in their lives to independence.
Colleges need to at least see their parents wages to determine if the student needs grants/etc, not necessarily to put them on a loan, unless they wanted to. He refused. So instead he "helped" me find a job and that was literally with the Circus, Ringling Bros. I went and did that for 2 years.
Ok, man, I could so keep going on, as Im sure many of us here could, Ill stop here, but my advice is to seek counseling, since you have disabilitys, this should be free somewhere, I would look for that. If the computer you are on currently allows you to spend time to play video games, I play Everquest 2 on the Guk server. Its free to play and we can group up and kill things in game, trust me, it helps alleviate the anger and frustrations your feeling from your RL = real life world.
Liquor isnt the solution, its just self abusing, so think of it as something you would do socially. I rarely ever drink but manage a watered down cocktail for Halloween and Christmas with my family. This coming from someone who was a complete lush, ok, I used to be able to drink anyone under the bar. Like I said, self abusing, and you dont need that.
PM me for more info if you want to game with me. I am in a guild, its quiet now with few members, but we all are very nice and supportive. Just play the game and forget for a time the drudgery your family is putting on you.
Sounds like your father also isnt supportive and that helps add fuel to the fire for your mother. She is possibly dealing with his issues as well, that can take a toll on someones mental faculties. She also could have an un-diagnosed disorder herself, who knows for sure but a doctor?
Look, Im not a parent, but I did grow up with a mentally abusive father. Nowadays people call them troll dads and theres tons of memes online, my dad was a troll dad and he affected me in many ways. I did go to counseling because I started to feel and act alot like you in my Junior year of school.
My dad expected a perfect student all the while mentally abusing me, I still have mental anguish/scars from that period in my life (im 34 now) and could be considered partially a woman child. However, the counseling really did help get me through that period in my life, if I didnt do so then, I dont know where I would be by now, probably someplace very bad.
I still acted out and went out on school nights to dance clubs, etc, looking back, I guess I was essentially self abusing myself. I used to feel great empathy for complete strangers and was a very emotional child when I lived with my father in my years 11-18. Now its hard for me to connect to anyone, Im outgoing when I need to be but it is somewhat false. I want to be that crazy friend who will do anything but inside I just feel like being by myself or with a few close friends. (All I really feel I need anyway). Though the only person who calls me regular is my mother, and my friends are online here on the forum and in this one game I play. We are all very supportive and close.
My father one day confessed that he never felt close enough to love me as his own child because my grandmother pushed him away when it came to parenting, so he didnt get to bond with me and never felt like he cared about my well being beyond what was his legal obligation to do, I was 16 then. His job was to make sure I lived until I was 18 then I can do what I want with my life. He refused to help me with college though, which is kinda hilarious because I was still on honor roll at graduation and he was always so critical of my grades and to be as perfect as could be. This was the time, if any, that the parent needed to step in and help his child for the next step in their lives to independence.
Colleges need to at least see their parents wages to determine if the student needs grants/etc, not necessarily to put them on a loan, unless they wanted to. He refused. So instead he "helped" me find a job and that was literally with the Circus, Ringling Bros. I went and did that for 2 years.
Ok, man, I could so keep going on, as Im sure many of us here could, Ill stop here, but my advice is to seek counseling, since you have disabilitys, this should be free somewhere, I would look for that. If the computer you are on currently allows you to spend time to play video games, I play Everquest 2 on the Guk server. Its free to play and we can group up and kill things in game, trust me, it helps alleviate the anger and frustrations your feeling from your RL = real life world.
Liquor isnt the solution, its just self abusing, so think of it as something you would do socially. I rarely ever drink but manage a watered down cocktail for Halloween and Christmas with my family. This coming from someone who was a complete lush, ok, I used to be able to drink anyone under the bar. Like I said, self abusing, and you dont need that.
PM me for more info if you want to game with me. I am in a guild, its quiet now with few members, but we all are very nice and supportive. Just play the game and forget for a time the drudgery your family is putting on you.
Also, I think your being too hard on yourself about your weight, you look proportional to me in those pictures. About the game, I tried finding some info on the phone or ipad (apps) and came across some stuff you may or may not be interested in. 
