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· Ghouls Rule
2,692 Posts
Im sorry youve been let down and for everything your going through. You seem like a thoughtful person and well articulated, just that you have self esteem issues. I would like to think talking things through/out with a counselor of sorts could possibly help you and have separate sessions with your mother and you. So one session for you and sessions for your mother and yourself. You both may be surprised by what each other is feeling/thinking.

Sounds like your father also isnt supportive and that helps add fuel to the fire for your mother. She is possibly dealing with his issues as well, that can take a toll on someones mental faculties. She also could have an un-diagnosed disorder herself, who knows for sure but a doctor?

Look, Im not a parent, but I did grow up with a mentally abusive father. Nowadays people call them troll dads and theres tons of memes online, my dad was a troll dad and he affected me in many ways. I did go to counseling because I started to feel and act alot like you in my Junior year of school.

My dad expected a perfect student all the while mentally abusing me, I still have mental anguish/scars from that period in my life (im 34 now) and could be considered partially a woman child. However, the counseling really did help get me through that period in my life, if I didnt do so then, I dont know where I would be by now, probably someplace very bad.

I still acted out and went out on school nights to dance clubs, etc, looking back, I guess I was essentially self abusing myself. I used to feel great empathy for complete strangers and was a very emotional child when I lived with my father in my years 11-18. Now its hard for me to connect to anyone, Im outgoing when I need to be but it is somewhat false. I want to be that crazy friend who will do anything but inside I just feel like being by myself or with a few close friends. (All I really feel I need anyway). Though the only person who calls me regular is my mother, and my friends are online here on the forum and in this one game I play. We are all very supportive and close.

My father one day confessed that he never felt close enough to love me as his own child because my grandmother pushed him away when it came to parenting, so he didnt get to bond with me and never felt like he cared about my well being beyond what was his legal obligation to do, I was 16 then. His job was to make sure I lived until I was 18 then I can do what I want with my life. He refused to help me with college though, which is kinda hilarious because I was still on honor roll at graduation and he was always so critical of my grades and to be as perfect as could be. This was the time, if any, that the parent needed to step in and help his child for the next step in their lives to independence.

Colleges need to at least see their parents wages to determine if the student needs grants/etc, not necessarily to put them on a loan, unless they wanted to. He refused. So instead he "helped" me find a job and that was literally with the Circus, Ringling Bros. I went and did that for 2 years.

Ok, man, I could so keep going on, as Im sure many of us here could, Ill stop here, but my advice is to seek counseling, since you have disabilitys, this should be free somewhere, I would look for that. If the computer you are on currently allows you to spend time to play video games, I play Everquest 2 on the Guk server. Its free to play and we can group up and kill things in game, trust me, it helps alleviate the anger and frustrations your feeling from your RL = real life world.

Liquor isnt the solution, its just self abusing, so think of it as something you would do socially. I rarely ever drink but manage a watered down cocktail for Halloween and Christmas with my family. This coming from someone who was a complete lush, ok, I used to be able to drink anyone under the bar. Like I said, self abusing, and you dont need that.

PM me for more info if you want to game with me. I am in a guild, its quiet now with few members, but we all are very nice and supportive. Just play the game and forget for a time the drudgery your family is putting on you.

· Ghouls Rule
2,692 Posts
very cool costume! So much detail, I can tell you went for full authenticity. :) Also, I think your being too hard on yourself about your weight, you look proportional to me in those pictures. About the game, I tried finding some info on the phone or ipad (apps) and came across some stuff you may or may not be interested in.

Since I dont have a smartphone or ipad (just a computer and older style phone) I cant help figure out how to get these on your platforms (phone/ipad) but it has been done.

For the game I play, EQII aka EQ2 or Everquest 2, there is a phone app you can use to chat with people who are currently in the actual game along with looking at your character stats,checking in game messages(mail) etc. I dont know how that would work if you didnt first create a character, I could help you by creating a free account for you and giving you the details so then if you wanted to chat while I crafted or quested you could use the app to chat with me while I played the game. You will have to let me know if creating an account is necessary for just the chat part. (example= needing a character made in game that would talk to my character, so I would see a character talking to me named whatever you wanted).

Then theres the standalone game, Sony is making the next evolution of my game which is cleverly named EQNext, lol. So, heres the app link for that
I think you can use both phone and ipad with that, though I recommend the ipad, it seems easier for folks. You cant connect with me, its a standalone game, but you could earn rewards for the PC games so if you ever got a PC you could use the rewards on your account. EQNext is currently being developed but Sony currently has an open beta world called Landmark which is really cool going on now, but Im pretty sure you need a pc for that game as well. It should all be free to play though.

I dont really keep up with the next series as I play the current one, EQ2.

About your mother, approach her when she is in a good mood and ask if she wouldn't mind going to a counseling meeting with both of you. She may or may not agree, you never know. You will probably have to take it upon yourself to choose a therapist and setup the meeting as well, but youll never know unless you ask. If she refuses, Im not sure what all youve tried, but maybe finding a roomate and moving out if your able to afford it on your income from your job?

Where you live, is there public transportation, like buses, trains, etc? In FL, we primarily rely on cars but there are buses to some places and others ride their bikes the rest of the way. That way you get to both be away from your mothers complaining and will find yourself a bit of independence and freedom.

I know your self conscious about your weight, if your worried, riding a bike will help lose weight as well, so essentially your killing two birds instead of one. I rode my bike one summer for very short sprints to the park to watch the neighborhood guys play basketball and lost all my baby fat, lol. It can be done, and it seems easier for men to lose weight then women because we retain alot of water weight.

When I was training to be in wrestling in school, when I thought I couldnt do something, I just yelled at myself in my head (positively) "I think I can, I think I can" and pretended to whip my butt with an imaginary whip, lol. It motivated me to go that extra mile running up and down the bleachers.
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