cute jokes. i especially like the lawyer one. lol.
Clown Jokes
There was a clown who found himself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the clown wanting him to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered the clown 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the clown could not answer one of his questions, the clown owed him $5, but every time the lawyer could not answer the clown’s question, he’d give the clown $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the clown reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the clown handed him $5. Then the clown asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the clown $50.00
The clown put the $50 into his pocket without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”
Without saying a word, the clown handed the lawyer $5.
A clown had just totaled his car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, he managed to pry himself from the wreckage without a scratch.
When the state trooper arrived he said, “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the clown said.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the clown began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Excuse me Mr. Clown”, the officer said “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. >…
click to hide
“That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
A young ventriloquist is touring and one night he’s doing a show in a small town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb clown jokes when a clown in the 4th row stands up and starts shouting: “I’ve heard enough of your clown jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype clowns that way?”
“We clowns visit sick children in the hospital. We help make birthday parties fun.”
“It’s guys like you who keep clowns like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as an entertainer.”
“Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only clowns, but anyone who helps children, and all in the name of humor!”
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the clown yells, click to hide
“You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little guy on your knee.”
A clown has just gotten a new sports car. He accidentally cuts out in front of a big truck, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff.
The driver is a huge, mean bully. He gets out and draws a circle and tells the clown to stand in it.
Then he gets out his knife and cuts up the clown’s beautiful leather seats.
He turns around and sees the clown smiling.
So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting the clown’s windows and beating his car.
He looks back to see that the clown is laughing.
He’s really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices the clown’s tires.
He turns around and the clown’s laughing so hard, he’s about to fall down.
The bully demands, “What’s so funny?”
The clown says,
click to hide
“Every time you were
n’t looking, I stepped out of the circle!”
Two clowns lock their keys in the car. One of the clowns tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first clown says “Looks like I can’t get in the car!”
The other clown replies,
click to hide
“keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down.”
The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the clown handed him $5. Then the clown asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the clown $50.00
The clown put the $50 into his pocket without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”
Without saying a word, the clown handed the lawyer $5.
A clown had just totaled his car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, he managed to pry himself from the wreckage without a scratch.
When the state trooper arrived he said, “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the clown said.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the clown began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Excuse me Mr. Clown”, the officer said “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. >…
click to hide
“That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
A young ventriloquist is touring and one night he’s doing a show in a small town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb clown jokes when a clown in the 4th row stands up and starts shouting: “I’ve heard enough of your clown jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype clowns that way?”
“We clowns visit sick children in the hospital. We help make birthday parties fun.”
“It’s guys like you who keep clowns like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as an entertainer.”
“Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only clowns, but anyone who helps children, and all in the name of humor!”
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the clown yells, click to hide
“You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little guy on your knee.”
A clown has just gotten a new sports car. He accidentally cuts out in front of a big truck, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff.
The driver is a huge, mean bully. He gets out and draws a circle and tells the clown to stand in it.
Then he gets out his knife and cuts up the clown’s beautiful leather seats.
He turns around and sees the clown smiling.
So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting the clown’s windows and beating his car.
He looks back to see that the clown is laughing.
He’s really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices the clown’s tires.
He turns around and the clown’s laughing so hard, he’s about to fall down.
The bully demands, “What’s so funny?”
The clown says,
click to hide
“Every time you were
n’t looking, I stepped out of the circle!”
Two clowns lock their keys in the car. One of the clowns tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first clown says “Looks like I can’t get in the car!”
The other clown replies,
click to hide
“keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down.”
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
I like the lawyer one. I've heard the tree air freshener one a hwile back as a blonde joke too 
a bunch of clowns get on a bus and sit behind a jester out of costume. the jester overhears as the clowns make reference to you shouldn't go to certain states because there are to many jesters there. well, they all agree, one should never embark on an acquaitance with such a being. as they are trying to figure the best states to reside in, along with some unkind remarks, the jester finally hearing enough turns around and suggests they all go to heck because they won't find any jesters there.
What's the differance between a dead cat in the road and a dead clown in the road?
There's skid marks in front of the cat.
Why arn't you allowed to incinnerate clowns?
They burn funny.
How do you kill a clown who has big floppy shoes?
With a big floppy sack of door knobs.
What's better than a clown falling out of a window?
Another one below him.
A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter and has gone all out -
caterer, band and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums
show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back.
Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.
Guests arrive, and all is going well, with the children having a wonderful
time. But, the clown has not shown up and finally, the clown calls to
report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make the party at
all.
The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the
children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the
bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips and leaps high in the air.
She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is doing is
absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your
friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the
party? I would pay him $50!"
Other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him." He then turned to Willie and yelled, "Hey Willie! For $50, would you chop off another toe?"
Reasons You Should Avoid When Hiring A Clown:
* By the end of the party, he's got every damn kid doing the "pull my finger" trick.
* Clown car must be started with breathalyzer device.
* Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO!"
* References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds.
* Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.
* Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the "Severed Limb" trick.
* Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in Newark.
* Didn't bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.
* Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number I learned in the joint."
* Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.
* Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"
* More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than into his pants.
* Those huge ears look too darn life-like, and the entire act consists of showing charts and complaining about the deficit.
* A sad clown is one thing -- a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.
* Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."
* Business cards include the phrase "From the Mind of Stephen King..."
* Price list includes "lap dance" and "around the world.
* All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.
There's skid marks in front of the cat.
Why arn't you allowed to incinnerate clowns?
They burn funny.
How do you kill a clown who has big floppy shoes?
With a big floppy sack of door knobs.
What's better than a clown falling out of a window?
Another one below him.
A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter and has gone all out -
caterer, band and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums
show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back.
Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.
Guests arrive, and all is going well, with the children having a wonderful
time. But, the clown has not shown up and finally, the clown calls to
report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make the party at
all.
The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the
children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the
bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips and leaps high in the air.
She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is doing is
absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your
friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the
party? I would pay him $50!"
Other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him." He then turned to Willie and yelled, "Hey Willie! For $50, would you chop off another toe?"
Reasons You Should Avoid When Hiring A Clown:
* By the end of the party, he's got every damn kid doing the "pull my finger" trick.
* Clown car must be started with breathalyzer device.
* Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO!"
* References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds.
* Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.
* Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the "Severed Limb" trick.
* Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in Newark.
* Didn't bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.
* Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number I learned in the joint."
* Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.
* Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"
* More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than into his pants.
* Those huge ears look too darn life-like, and the entire act consists of showing charts and complaining about the deficit.
* A sad clown is one thing -- a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.
* Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."
* Business cards include the phrase "From the Mind of Stephen King..."
* Price list includes "lap dance" and "around the world.
* All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
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