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Discussion Starter #1
She's late getting out of the coffin and I'm wondering where she's at....anybody seen her around LATELY???
Hey Glamourous you give the place a touch of class and status. Don't go away or you'll leave us here with nothing but dumb guys like me talking on phones and listening to blues guitar
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Yeah, I heard about the sleep situatution but I don't think that's the issue this time...more about static on the PHOTO FORUM and it taeks A LOT to ruffle her feathers.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Okay, I'm getting the feeling our Duchess has fled the coop. This ought to get her back.

THE DUCHESS OF DARKNESS HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE
Based on concepts and scripts by Ed Wood Jr.
Cast:
Dr. Vornoff (Bela Lugosi)
Lobo (Uncle Tor/ Tor Johnson)
Criswell (Narrator)
Duchess of Darkness (Herself)

CAMERA PULLS IN ON DIMLY LIT OPEN COFFIN.

Man rises from coffin. It is the famed Psychic CRISWELL. He faces the camera.

CRISWELL
Now I tell you the story of the Twilight People..so astonishing some of you may faint. My friends, can your heart stand the shocking facts about:

THE DUCHESS OF DARKNESS HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE

EXTERIOR CEMETARY -WIDE ANGLE-NIGHT
Dr. Vornoff (Lugosi) dressed in a white lab coat the same as in BRIDE OF THE MONSTER is walking across the graveyard, Lobo (Uncle Tor) at his side. They pass many tombstones with names such as MARIO BAVA. VINCENT PRICE. F.W. MURNAU, LON CHANEY. ED ULMER, BORIS KARLOFF, PHIL TUCKER. Lobo is wearing the same outfit from BRIDE OF THE MONSTER and NIGHT OF THE GHOULS.

DR. VORNOFF

Let me SEE Lobo...Judge Crater, Jimmy Hoffa...it's not HARD, it's just finding the right cemetary...here she is..The Duchess of Darkness..

Dr. Vornoff looks at a paper map he pulls out of his lab coat. Pan to a coffin resting upright between the stones.

DR. VORNOFF

HERE she is...felt 'reprehensible' and 'dishonorable' after a session at the forum. Bid her old friends and 'family members' a fond goodbye, but not TO YOU Lobo...Why don't you FIX that? After all, she didn't CONSULT you before she did her Big Exit

Lobo (Uncle Tor) rips off the coffin door. Tosses it aside without a second look. Duchess of Darkness is laying upright inside the lined coffin with a stake through her heart. Dried blood is running down her dress, best described as White Early Hammer Studios Vampira with black bodice
Lobo pulls out the stake. Duchess of Darkness' eyes pop open. Their laser like intensity returns. Her familiar sly smile outlined in dark lipstick returns. She stares as if she has just been roused from a deep sleep.

DR. VORNOFF
See, Lobo? She still wears her leather collar..the one with ITCH written on it. She was always so CLEAN..and hygienic..

Dr. Vornoff and Lobo laugh.

Dr. Vornoff pulls off the collar. Duchess of Darkness only stares ahead.

DR. VORNOFF
Now, put YOUR mystical power collar on her, Lobo. She is YOURS...YOU pulled out the stake. She is YOUR Sunrise Serenade $3.99 breakfast now...OBSERVE.

DUCHESS OF DARKNESS

(Confused and a little angry and flustered) Hey, what the heck is going ON?? HOLY COW Big Boy! WHO are YOU??

Dr. Vornoff waves his hand, fingers pointed in front of Duchess of Darkness' face. She is instantly hypnotised. Lobo puts on a leather woven collar with a leather heart hanging down around her neck. She stares wide eyed and languidly at them.

DUCHESS OF DARKNESS

...where ...am...I?? WHO are...YOU ...two??

DR. VORNOFF

(LAUGHING) You have been risen from the dead. You are the Duchess of Darkness. One of the Big Wheels at the Halloween Foruim. You disapperared. We have brought you back. You have more class in your baby finger then some people have in their whole torsos, but you thought you were...Where is it?
( Pulls a note book from his lab coat. Reads from the book)
Here it is..."was dishonorable to myself and to my fellow family members".
My dear, sometimes you get yourself GOING...but no matter...Lobo is your MASTER now..He will make sure you get SLEEEEEEP. You are ALWAYS much BETTER when you get some SLEEEEP...it smooths out the EDGES.

LOBO
Time for come with me. You Lobo's now. Stock, lock, barrel. You make Lobo work hard for the money. Lobo bend will of duchess who can get best of anybody: Animal, vegetable, mineral. Lobo master now. Say it to Lobo. Your will not your will. Next time before you go bluey you ask first.

DUCHESS OF DARKNESS

(Slowly) Yes master...

She steps out of the coffin. They embrace. She walks and speaks slowly, still trying to fight Dr. Vornoff's hypnotism.

LOBO
This better then dream date with Anne Hathaway...

Lobo plants a wet one on Duchess...pulling her even closer. Her arms shoot out to her sides as if she has been shot with an electric current. Her fingers spread wide and she stiffens at the spine. She runs her fingers down the back of his bald head.
Lobo comes up for air.
Duchess of Darkness puffs her cheeks out and blows through her mouth.

LOBO

Now, you come back to board..make talk with others. Just no get too flowery. Hard for Lobo to follow. Lobo no like things much more complicated then FANGORIA. Now, stop make fun of Lobo's Ed Wood movies. They black and white and great cult hits.... Say you sorry making for Lobo going through all this...promise be better. Lobo forgive, forget and keep heat on. Lobo cook with steam make you forget even dating Elvis on Other Side. Now show Lobo Marilyn Monroe for to pay off Dr. Vornoff.

DUCHESS OF DARKNESS

I'll do anything you say as long as you keep the current coming...I''m coming master.

Lobo takes her by the hand. Dr. Vornoff laughs long and low. They walk into the dark.

CUT TO OPENING SHOT OF CRISWELL IN COFFIN
My friends you have heard the sworn testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrible ordeal. Can you PROVE it DIDN'T happen? On the way home tonight, you may be pased by a ghoul and not know it.
(He stares into the camera)
God help us in the future.
CAMERA PULLS BACK AND CRISWELL LOWERS INTO COFFIN. LIGHTS FADE OUT
 

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Dutchess has been ressurected from the depths of hell by Lobo, but will only feel worthy to walk among the living again after she has made herself worthy in her Lobo "Master's" eyes. He has faithfully and lovingly pulled the stake from her heart and breathed renewed life into her darkened soul. And for not consulting with him first , for causing him to work so hard I am preparing a worthy expression of my sincere remorse, and a confession that my will is not my own but belongs to Lobo in it's entirety. That I am forever grateful for all the love and protection he so freely gives me & proudly submit to wearing his mystical power collar, and savour the thought of walking amongst our ruins together again. Back on board soon.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
The Duchess, folks...
Glad she didn't get flowery.
And somehow I have this crazy feeling this is the Readers Digest version.
Where's that stake? And the coffin lid? And some nails?
Seriously though, folks, it's amazing she puts up with me. She asks if I have a copy of INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE..and I tell her that no, it's not on my list..after all, FROST/NIXON is still playing in the theatres in these here parts and how many INTERVIEW movies do you NEED to see??
Thank you , thank you...you're a wonderful audience...
 
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