Joined
·
11 Posts
'm sure a good guy ..............any guy who lovea this site can't be all bad <
20 truths about men
21 - 36 of 36 Posts
Joined
·
17,967 Posts
good jokes
i did like the jokes though, very funny.
never thought of it before but very true.
i did like the jokes though, very funny.
Joined
·
824 Posts
Not true, what if you are homosexual ?,(not that there is anything wrong with that,except maybe some of the more flamboyant clothing attire)
Joined
·
576 Posts
Alright guys, lets rally with our song. All together now...!
Men, men, men, men!
Men, men, men, men!
Men, men, men, men!
Men, men, men, men!
Joined
·
17,967 Posts
reminds me of a joke i heard one time...
this couple gets married and they go to the motel
once in the room the husband decides now is as good a time as ever to set the ground rules
he takes off his pants and hands them to her and says, "put these on"
she steps into them and pulls them up and says, "i can't wear your pants"
and he says, "remember that, i wear the pants in the family"
she then steps out of her pants and hands them to him and says, "put these on"
he looks at her pants and says, "i can't get in your pants"
and she replies, "and you never will with your attitude"
this couple gets married and they go to the motel
once in the room the husband decides now is as good a time as ever to set the ground rules
he takes off his pants and hands them to her and says, "put these on"
she steps into them and pulls them up and says, "i can't wear your pants"
and he says, "remember that, i wear the pants in the family"
she then steps out of her pants and hands them to him and says, "put these on"
he looks at her pants and says, "i can't get in your pants"
and she replies, "and you never will with your attitude"
Joined
·
824 Posts
If a broad told me that , I would slap her silly, then pull her by her hair off the ground and order her to go to the kitchen to make me a delicious sandwich.....MAN POWER BABY!!!!!!!
Joined
·
282 Posts
sounds familiar....was i engaged to you about 13 years ago? and do you even realize what was in that sandwich i made for you?
Joined
·
17,967 Posts
wristslitter, you ever see the burning bed with farrah fawcett? so how do you like your meat loaf?
Joined
·
824 Posts
Love? Thats the secret ingredient in all my fabulous meals, so I would say you put love in my sandwich, sorry bout the breakup, it wasnt you, it was me.
Joined
·
824 Posts
Yeah, I think I saw that flick, it was on that manhater channel Lifetime
Joined
·
282 Posts
here love, a delicious sandwich for you, the powerful man who slapped me -so silly- ....
http://sas.localguides.com/bundles/guides_fr/assets/widget_bnK2F0kzXktBIGMb3dLUaT.jpg
and a drink to wash it down...
http://www.hellocrazy.com/reserved/cards/200408090856110.emergenza.gif
http://sas.localguides.com/bundles/guides_fr/assets/widget_bnK2F0kzXktBIGMb3dLUaT.jpg
and a drink to wash it down...
http://www.hellocrazy.com/reserved/cards/200408090856110.emergenza.gif
Joined
·
824 Posts
Shadowless, you must do better than that, I put live cicadas in my mouth before (serious, I live in a 17 year locust region, people fry them things up and eat em like nuts). As for the drink, a lil mudbutt sure wont kill me, god knows I am the KING OF MUDBUTT. So thank you for your offerings, much love and slaps, Wristslitter
Wit' a name o' CaptainJackSparrow, i shall give ya a 'int, it naught be kitties, savvy?
Joined
·
1,156 Posts
As ya oll liked th' last set.. a few more.. then a moratorium I'm declarin' on th' beefier sex.. tho 'ave ya seen some of th' wenches in Tortuga??
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
oll right then.. a few chuckles ta round out yer day.. I tell ya honestly, if ya can't poke fun at yerself, who can ya poke fun at, savvy?
('mates, this jus' be a secret plan ta keep oll th' wenches laffin' to 'ard ta type, so's th' Forum be left ta us!!)
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
oll right then.. a few chuckles ta round out yer day.. I tell ya honestly, if ya can't poke fun at yerself, who can ya poke fun at, savvy?
('mates, this jus' be a secret plan ta keep oll th' wenches laffin' to 'ard ta type, so's th' Forum be left ta us!!)
Wit' a name o' CaptainJackSparrow, i shall give ya a 'int, it naught be kitties, savvy?
Joined
·
1,156 Posts
27 Facts About Men
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. Men who have tattoos think they have a piece of artwork on them. Yeah, like a flaming skull is art?
4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
9. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.
10 Men are sensitive in strange ways If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
11 Men have an easier time buying bathing suits, Women have two types: depressing and more depressing Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
12 Men have higher body temperatures than women If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
13 Women take clothing much more seriously than men I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh no, I'm so embarrassed; I've got to get out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
14 Most men hate to shop That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
15 If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
16 If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only
works on cocoons and butterflies.
17 No man is charming all of the time Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
18 When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
19 When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
20 Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
21 Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
22 If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget.. he didn't lose your number.. he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
23 Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis I asked him, "Are we going to have fun again?" He said, "Maybe.. next year."
24 Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you.. I want to marry you.. I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
25 Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super- heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
26 Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to flirt with young girls and drive motorcycles.
27 Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports They've already forgotten what happened.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. Men who have tattoos think they have a piece of artwork on them. Yeah, like a flaming skull is art?
4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
9. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.
10 Men are sensitive in strange ways If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
11 Men have an easier time buying bathing suits, Women have two types: depressing and more depressing Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
12 Men have higher body temperatures than women If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
13 Women take clothing much more seriously than men I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh no, I'm so embarrassed; I've got to get out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
14 Most men hate to shop That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
15 If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
16 If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only
works on cocoons and butterflies.
17 No man is charming all of the time Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
18 When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
19 When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
20 Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
21 Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
22 If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget.. he didn't lose your number.. he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
23 Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis I asked him, "Are we going to have fun again?" He said, "Maybe.. next year."
24 Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you.. I want to marry you.. I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
25 Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super- heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
26 Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to flirt with young girls and drive motorcycles.
27 Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports They've already forgotten what happened.
Joined
·
17,967 Posts
21 - 36 of 36 Posts
