Thread: Crime Scene Quotes

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Our job can get quite stressfull at times and we end up having a pretty messed up sense of humor. I decided to come up with some of the quotes I hear or some of the things I say myself a scenes that, I dont know, may strike some of yall as humorous. If anyone is offended by anything put on here let me know and I will try to come up with the worse one I can remember.

Some things were meant to be funny and others, well just came out that way. Some might not be funny at all. Some of our not the brightest investigators ask us stupid questions all the time so alot of the times the answer, well, you'll see for yourself. I'm just gonna leave the quote and try not to explain the situation.. Here are a few that are at the top of my head.

"We don't need a body bag, we need a bucket........and a strainer."

"Damn, I think I just stepped on his sense of humor"

"Jim!!! Dont eat that!!"

"What happened?" "I dont know but he has a huge porn collection"

"Where do you think he was shot? Standing up or sitting down" "He was shot in the head" "No no, was he standing?" Well when I got here he was lying down" "I mean do you think he was shot in the head while standing or sitting down" "yes"

"Did you dust?" "No but I did rearrange the furniture and vacuum"

"So do you think it was suicide or murder?" "He was shot six times" "Well?" "I'm gonna have to go with accidental"

Ok...thats all I got for now.

I have a very odd sense of humor between working in morgue and icu... i loved these

Originally Posted by Johnson724

"So do you think it was suicide or murder?" "He was shot six times" "Well?" "I'm gonna have to go with accidental"

This is hilarious when I imagine Grissom answering.

Shoot man, y'all gotta inject some humor somewhere into what you see for a living...anything to help maintain sanity in the face of knowing the real world we live in.

Originally Posted by Johnson724

"Where do you think he was shot? Standing up or sitting down" "He was shot in the head" "No no, was he standing?" Well when I got here he was lying down" "I mean do you think he was shot in the head while standing or sitting down" "yes"

This sounds like an Abbot & Costello skit!!ROFLMAO!!

I love things like this, keep 'em coming!

Hahahaha those were very funny! More!

I have to kind of explain this one. Jim was in the attic looking for a bullet that had gone through the ceiling. I'm shining a flashlight through the hole so he can find were the hole is.

"Can you see it?" (muffled)"hold on I'm almost there....ok, I think I'm here, knock on the ceiling" knock knock knock "Nope I'm not there yet, let me just hop over there real quick"
CRASH!!!!! (Jim is now laying on the floor with insulation and sheetrock all over the place)

"Couldnt you just take the stairs like everyone else"

Not quite a quote but an example of a regular conversation in our office.

Jim - Do you remember that case where we did all that stuff

which case?

Jim - You know, we had all that stuff that we had to do.

Was it a homicide?

Jim- It was in reference to something, some kind of stuff happened.

Do you remember where it happened?

Jim- It was in reference to that thing that happened at that place. I just remember we had a lot of stuff to do.

Ok, what kind of "stuff" did we have to do?

Jim- We had to process a lot of stuff.

You gotta help me out Jim, your being a little vague. Did it happen this year?

Jim- I think so, dont you remember, that guy he was shot at that place.

Do you remember any names, addresses, dates or what kind of case it was?

Jim- No but I have the case number (In case you dont know with the case # we can go into the computer and pull the case up. So instead of just pulling the case up I had to play 20 questions)

This is another regular happening in our office. If food is missing we know where it went.

(looking in the office fridge) Did anyone take my lunch? Jim?

Jim- Was it in the tupperware container.

Yes

Jim- I ate it, it was good.

That was my lunch Jim, I'm broke, I brought my lunch so I could have something to eat. You just ate at Red Lobster, why did you have to eat again?

Jim- Oh I ate that before I went to Red Lobster.

Steve's lunch was in here too, where did that go?

Jim- I was still hungry when I got back.

You ate both our lunches!?

Jim- Well I didnt think you were going to eat it.

Let me get this straight, you ate my lunch, went to Red Lobster and then ate Steve's lunch.

Jim- I have some crackers in my desk if you want them (opens desk, pulls out a 1/4 bag of saltine crackers)

No Jim, I would have rather had my lunch.

Jim- You sure you dont want them? (as he opens the bag and starts eating them)

No thats okay Jim. I'll have a cup of coffee instead of lunch.

Jim- Do you have any potatoe chips?

Originally Posted by Johnson724

This is another regular happening in our office. If food is missing we know where it went.

haha, I'd be so tempted to slip some laxatives in my lunch

My Husband just read it lol you're funny guys. Jim really likes his food

Originally Posted by halloween_sucks_in_the_uk

haha, I'd be so tempted to slip some laxatives in my lunch

My Husband just read it lol you're funny guys. Jim really likes his food

Trust me, we have thought about it. The thing is.....he already has bathroom issues that we just dont need to talk about right now.