Thread: Crime Scene Quotes

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Partner 2: What do you call a foreman of a work crew?

Me: Uhhhhh..... a foreman

Partner 2: What do you call those big metal canister things that they pump sewage into? You know, like a sewage tank.

Me: Uhhhhh a sewage tank

LOVE the out of office reply!!!!!!! That is priceless!!

Come on Johnson.........I need a stress reliever today!

lmao! Couldn't agree with you more offmymeds Maybe Johnson's composing a mindblowin one for us

Originally Posted by Johnson724

...

I call IT, get myself a new password and start working. The next day he had to take the day off. I go over to his desk, pop all the keys off his keyboard and rearrange them. (he has to hunt and peck alot of times) I go to his monitor settings and totally screw them up. I change his printer settings so everything he prints out goes to the printer in the Captains office in the main office. I set up his email so everyone gets an out of office reply of "I am currently suffering from intestinal distress so I am not currently at my desk. I am having to spend most of my day sitting on the toilet. If you are getting this reply and I do not reply back in a timely manner, please bring me some toilet paper"

The next day he comes back. He gets onto the computer and the screen is all messed up. He tries to log onto one of our programs and everything he types doesnt make sense. He calls IT and explains what the computer is doing. They ask him a few questions, laugh at him and tell him he has to figure it out. He ends up getting a spare keyboard and spends about 30 minutes popping keys off and rearranging them according to the other keyboard. He finally gets up and running so he checks his email and goes to print out a poem that his cousin wrote (let me just say his cousin has no talent). He hits print...nothing happens....he hits print again...nothing happens. He asks me, I print something out just fine. He tries again...nothing happens. His phone rings, its the Captain "Why are you printing this crap on my printer...STOP IT"

It took him four days before he found out about the out of office reply.

Now for some reason we all lock our computers.

Wow, Johnson. I'm impressed. I don't think I remember you ever really doing anything back to Partner 1 before, but my old age may just be showing (you know, CRS ). You are evil ! What a great way to show him what he had done! I applaud you!

And that Partner 2 doesn't appear to be much brighter, based on your latest couple of additions, but at least he doesn't steal.

Ya know, any of your EOD techs could probably rig a "food safety device" that will only go off if somene steals food that does not belong to him.

Sorry, dumb blonde here. What's EOD? Thanks!

Originally Posted by TheShadows

Sorry, dumb blonde here. What's EOD? Thanks!

Explosive Ordinance Disposal.

Hmmmmm, Hadnt thought along that route. I wouldnt need their help as far as rigging something up...just some of their toys. ( I have me a little background in that stuff and with that comment I now plead the 5th)

However, I could get a cheap burglar alarm like the ones you can buy for your windows and rig that up to the food.


Most of the food theft happens after hours. We will be sitting around for hours with nothing to do and around 4:30 he will call his wife and say he is working late. Now there is no reason he has to work late, but when we come in the next day, that is when food is missing.

Sorry I havnt come up with anything new..its been rather quiet. He was off last week and now partner 2 is off so it is just me and partner 1. He ended up coming in late yesterday due to damage at his place from all the storms that moved through. By the time he came in I was busy processing a scene from a shootout where over a 100 shots had been fired over an area that was almost a football field in size. Four cars, and three apartment buildings were shot up. Fortunately only one thuggie was shot and he will be okay. No innocents were hit thank god because there are tons of children that live in the complex.

Partner 1 is on call now so that means in the morning he goes to our main office and picks up what we call the daily stuff. Basically evidence that needs processing that other investigators collected from the calls they go on that we dont go to. Usually we divide up what is brought in and work it. Whoever is on call usually does not have to do anything because they could get tied up working something complicated and then get called out that night.

Since it is just Partner 1 and I working this week (I just came off call) I have been trying to take care of most of the things we get the last couple of days. Today we got two cases to work. One is just a knife that needs to be processed for prints. The other involves several cases and has multiple items that need to be processed. We were discussing which case we were going to take and we decided to flip a coin to decide who gets to choose. I won the toss. So now I am thinking....I can take the easy one, that way if anything comes up today I can handle it without being bogged down. Of course that leaves Partner 1 with the more complicated one. A side factor is as long as he is busy he doesnt annoy me. Lately he has been singing that song "Come on Eileen" over and over again. If he is busy, maybe I wont be blessed with his off tune nasal singing.

However, if I take the hard case, all he has is the easy one, he will get bored and start singing either that song or some hippy song he has been singing about dogs, rainbows and butterflys.

So I pick the easy one.

Partner 1 is now in the lab working on the evidence.....................singing