Thread: Older Dating Younger

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Hey folks, How about it, What do you think?
I am an observer, I like to watch more than participate. And I have seen a few of life’s events play out, and questioned most of it. One thing that I have taken notice more of is the Older/Younger relationship. The gap I see is normally 5-8 years, but every now and again I find a 10-15 year gap or more. Now mind you, the more the difference the less of a steady relationship, more like occasional dating and a well formed friendship. But there are those who make it last and end happily, (one case I have seen personally) but I have not seen many truly happy relationships in general so I’m biased and skeptical.
Now there are a lot of ways to view such a coupling and some are more positive than others. It’s not entirely fair to say he has her cause she’s arm candy, or she’s a gold digging set of expletives, but in some cases its too true to deny. And from a historical point of view this has been happening (at least older man/younger girl) for centuries.

I personally don’t have an issue with the idea. As long as it isn’t into creepy territory of emulating a parental figure (see below), or the age gap isn’t too outrageous (90-20). If it is two mature people finding a connection and enjoying each other’s company, the idea of dating older to younger doesn’t phase me much.
I have come up with some (mostly) reasonable Pros and Cons to the subject too.

Pros:
A sweet young thing to command
Sharing new and old experiences
Nubile and attractive partner
Big slap in the face to rotten Ex
Off chance of finding a ‘mature beyond their years’ youngster
Renewed opportunities … *wink wink* You know …
A shared interest across generational gap

Cons:
Youngster’s phase eventually ends
Adolescent whining
Seen as perverted
Accused of gold digging, sugar daddy/mommy, midlife crisis, etc.
Unstable relationship
Comments - ‘How sweet of your daughter/son to be out with you.’
You find the nut job with a mommy/daddy complex (Oedipus/ Electra)
Awkward for teenage/adult children from previous relationship
New partner wants kids

So with all that said, What are your opinions and commentary on the subject of (as its called now) Intergenerational dating?
Or if you have them, more true and/or amusing Pros and Cons to add to the list.

My brother was 9 years older than his wife. They got married in 1962 and
were together for 46 years, up till her death from Leukemia in July 2006.
Sometimes they fought like cats and dogs, but they always made up.

Wow Goblin. that's an amazing amount of time to be together (at least in more recent years)
its sad to hear she's gone. everything okay in the family?


anyone else with great stories to share?

Oh boy, let's see. OEJ and I are 10 years apart. We met on eBay of all places back when you could email each other directly. He had outbid me on a magazine. I checked his profile to check his bidding history and he wanted something different out of it than I did so I worked a deal with him and we traded stuff back and forth. Then we started IMing each other. He came out to see me, which was strained but went okay, I came out here to see him and it was a disaster. Two years after we met, I picked up and moved from Ohio to Oregon. We are very happy. I'm the sweet young thing, but I'll be damned if anyone is going to command me to do a damn thing and OEJ will be the first to say so. I try to spoil him when I can, but I can dish out the harsh realities when I need to. I have to say we compliment each other rather well.

It's different for everyone but I'm wary of older guys that want young girls. My alarm bells go off. My first boyfriend was 8 years older than me. I was 16 and he was 24 and it was one of the bigger mistakes of my life. This was back when I was a sweet young thing that could be commanded but I didn't need any commanding. I very stupidly gave, gave, and gave of my own stupid, ignorant idiotic free will.

Originally Posted by the dogman

Wow Goblin. that's an amazing amount of time to be together (at least in more recent years)
its sad to hear she's gone. everything okay in the family?


anyone else with great stories to share?

My mother was four years older than my father. They were married in 1936
and stayed together till he passed away in 1990. They had eight children,
thirteen grandchildren, twelve great-grandchildren, and three great great-
grandchildren! Momma passed away in 2002 at the age of 92.

holy crap that's a big family Goblin!

its so nice to see that people have found and forged happy relationships despite the age gap ^__^

hey has anyone heard of the half + 7 rule?

its a really weird way to restrict the dating pool.... by that rule i can only date 17-26 year olds......

Dogman my father was 17 years older than my mother (just 7 years older than my maternal grandfather). They were married 50 years before my father passed away. I never really thought about the difference in their ages until Dad died. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. All relationships take a lot of work no matter what the difference is in age.

Age is probably the last thing I would personally look at (not that I'm looking) it depends on what your values are and how they match up with your person of interest...I've been married 37 years so perhaps I'm not even qualified to comment. I wouldn't even "know how" to date anymore. But I think men and women look at this issue differently. It is socially more acceptable for men to grow older (and gain weight), but the rules are different for women. So I guess what I'm saying is that in my opinion it's much wiser to focus on what's inside the person instead of the wrapping. Oh by the way, my husband is 7 years older than I am and we met when I was 18, married when I was 19 (which in looking back I believe was way too young)

My husband is 10 years older than me. When we first met (I was 21 years old) we became good friends for a two years in that time I didn't know his age because he look so young ( I wish I had his genes!!). Right before we started dating I found out his age.....at first I got aliitle weird but I thought one date won't hurt. We been married for 8 years now and I'm so glad we met and had our first date 12 years ago. People still can't believe our age difference because you can't till by looking at us.

i was 18 when i met my daughters father and he was 24. we're not together anymore, he's 30 now and i'm only 24 and i think " ewww. what was i thinking dating an older man?" but we have a child together and we get along well, though a romantic relationship wouldn't work out.

Provided your not breaking the law, the rules are pretty much out the window. A lot depends on the individual. Maturity isn't necessarily gained with age. Even experience is less age dependant than it used to be.

Factors such as illness (more likely as you age), children (do you want children when your older?), common interests and as ever, background (not to be discounted as much as some think) are all factors that can make or break an age gap relationship. Come to think of it, they can do that to any relationship.

If your happy together and the age gap isn't hindering the relationship, I say its your life. Live it and bugger what other people think or say. But for God's sake, don't embark on it for the selfish reasons in the first post ie: revenge, somone to "command" and especially not for the stupid and shallow reason of getting a more nubile sex partner. Not if your looking for anything long term anyway.