I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard at this. Just a couple of items to add that I've had to resort to in the past:
1. Duct tape a dead fish to the inside of one of her hubcaps and then put it back on. She'll never find out where the smell is coming from.
2. Dump a container of roaches, ants, crickets, spiders (bug of your choice) into her car. This works great if she leaves a window cracked or down.
3. Get some black duct tape and duct tape a big fat washer to one front tire and the opposite back tire. When she drives, the whole car will rattle for about 30 miles before the duct tape is worn off.
4. Sit on your front porch and shoot ice cubes at her windows with a rubber band when it gets dark. There is an art to this because you cannot hit the windows with too much force or you will crack one, and it has to be done at night so she can't find the evidence. The ice cubes will be melted by morning.
5. Go to the grocery store and pull all of the subscription cards from about 40 magazines and fill them out in her name and address.
6. If she has a home answering machine, you can have alot of fun. Call her home machine, then transfer the call to her work number. When she picks up the phone hit the transfer button. She'll hear her home answering machine message talking to her. She'll really get freaked out thinking her house is calling her. Do this twice a day for 3 weeks and she just might move. That or she'll seek counseling.
7. Pay cash for a dump truck load of black dirt (about $50 delivered) and have it delivered to her address when she's not there. Ask them to just dump it in the driveway. Place a tombstone on top of the mound if you want to complete the effect. It will take forever to get rid of that much dirt.
The Dark Tomb - Psychological Terror at it's best!
Did anyone mention the burning paper bag of feces thrown on the porch? First instinct is to stomp it out!
I knew a man that kept getting kicked out of colleges for sending the dean a COD parcel full of horse manure or old bricks.
Of course the Dean had to first pay to get the package.
You cityfolk have probably never heard of "Atrazine", it kills all vegetation except corn, some vandals did some "Writing" on the chief of Police's lawn one time.
Acquiring those handwriting samples during the investigation was tricky since most people don't really write too legible swinging a heavy sack of agri-chemicals.
The only and biggest problem with doing anything like any of these things is the unpredictability of the situation, we are dealing with other human beings remember, and they will almost always surprise you with their reactions.
I have learned an awful lot about "People" in the last 18 years, running a haunted house that's open for tours almost every night of the year. Even after all this time and all of those encounters, people will still surprise me.
"My Insanity is well-respected, until they wiggle free and become a stringer for a tabloid"
I tell ya, the best way to freak her out is to take a good picture of her. Have it blown up. Hang it up in a really nice frame and display it in your dining room. Invite her over for a meal. Make sure she can see the picture form were she's sitting. When she asks about it just ignore her. This plays with some real identity phobias and I guarantee it will keep her up at night. It's not illegal and it's cheap.
It's the little things that creap people out the most.
“I’m an expert on all of them. Even the ones I made up. But I’m not sure they all exist.”
Pokymon
..and when she asks about the photo of her hanging in the next room, say, "I have proof that Elvis is ALIVE!"
("It's the little things that creep people out"...that's why is Viagra so popular? )
"My Insanity is well-respected, until they wiggle free and become a stringer for a tabloid"
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