Ideas for anyone that HATES "tag a long" shopping "Retired Husband"

**notjustaphaze** · 09-20-2011,07:37 AM

I just received this by email. It as a great stress relief and I could so see myself doing some of these (even though I am female, I do hate to browse shop unless it is for decorations).

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

Ok..so how many of you either 1. have done any of these or 2. now will do some of these??? LMAO

**Garthgoyle** · 09-20-2011,09:35 AM

Thanks for sharing these

The final one did happen on a couple of occasions where I last worked, minus them asking for toilet paper

I joke a lot, but I am being serious this time

**stick** · 09-20-2011,10:58 AM

Where I work years ago someone went in the men's restroom upstairs and took a dump on the floor beside the toilet

then step in it. It was on the carpet all the way down the steps. I do not understand why they missed the toilet by a foot?

**RCIAG** · 09-20-2011,02:11 PM

All I can think is "Target doesn't sell guns & doesn't really have an auto or camping dept. I bet they meant Walmart."

**Deadna** · 09-20-2011,06:29 PM

Everyone I know who has worked in the fitting rooms has told me that people actually DO use them as a restroom. My poor neighbor is mentally and physically handicapped and has to deal with this way too many times.

**Garthgoyle** · 09-20-2011,07:21 PM

Originally Posted by stick

Where I work years ago someone went in the men's restroom upstairs and took a dump on the floor beside the toilet

then step in it. It was on the carpet all the way down the steps. I do not understand why they missed the toilet by a foot?

The poem 'Footprints' takes on a whole new meaning...

Originally Posted by Deadna

Everyone I know who has worked in the fitting rooms has told me that people actually DO use them as a restroom.

Animals are better behaved than many humans

Originally Posted by RCIAG

All I can think is "Target doesn't sell guns & doesn't really have an auto or camping dept. I bet they meant Walmart."

You very well may be correct, RCIAG

**notjustaphaze** · 09-20-2011,07:38 PM

I am a geriatric nurse so I am used to people taking a dump pretty much anywhere and everywhere and if it was a good day, I didn't have to wear it home.Sorry for anyone else that has to deal with adults useing bad judgement in fitting rooms. I hope some of them at least got you to giggle a little. Or....maybe I am more twisted than I thought..lol..