Thread: Teenagers.... Where to begin??

Tweet

I am having issues with my teenagers and don"t know what I may be doing wrong... Dad can never be right! Dad is too strict! Dad is always in my business, Dad does this, Dad does that...

This is what I thought a good parent should do by instilling the best values and showing them the upmost positive paths... I don't know but it has been a rough past 4 days lately due to our recent parent/child discussions... Anybody have any advice?

All teenagers go through that phase, My Mum was strict and taught me right from wrong, hasn't done me any harm.. Once they get past the rebellious stage, they'll be fine, Your morals and values will help shape them into responsible adults.

Are they girls? we tend to be more awkward during our teen years.

Don't have any wise words of wisdom/ advice, but I wish you good luck.
When my daughter was a teenager, I tried to remember what it was like to be that age. Sometimes she wanted to be around me, but most of the time she wanted to spread her wings. It was hard, because I wanted to protect her from the crazies in the world. But, my job as a parent was to raise her to become independent so when she went out on her own she would be prepared for most situations. It was difficult to watch her make mistakes, but sometimes that's the best way to learn.
And, this may sound stupid, but one of the best things I did for her was to start a checking account in her name when she was in her early teens. That way she could learn the responsibilites of managing money before she got thrown out into the world. Made her feel more mature, too. And it worked; she's very responsible.
Good Luck to ya!!

Just stick to your guns. You're going to be unpopular for a while but it will pass...when they're about 20.

Your doing the right thing being a dad!

I agree with Maleficent, but it will pass.

Ya know ....... I don't necessarily agree with the previous comments. I have had two teenagers. One of each. I agree that you are still needed as a DAD while they are in their teens. They are still learning. Now it is about sex and how to represent yourself in public and private (more intimate) situations. You should have already drilled them on the standard right from wrong stuff. Now it gets a little fuzzy. Not everything is black and white. Not every emotion in a teen ager is rooted in logic or for that matter anywhere near the brain. Rebellion is good. They are starting to assert themselves. We want that to happen. However we want it to happen in a way that makes them strong, independent and resourceful. Set your boundaries. Maintain a level of tolerance that will allow for discretion and digression. Lay out expected situational behaviors. Then wait for it to all be totally ignored. You will have to step in, obviously. Otherwise they will receive the wrong message and believe their behavior no longer has any consequences. I guess what I mostly want to say is if you did your job up to now and you are there to guide them while suffering through their rebellions. You are being the best you can be! Be careful though not to be to overbearing and heavy handed. Somehow I believe that anyone that is as concerned with their children as you seem to be will have kids that will eventually be all right. Lastly I agree with Cathy. Be sure to help train your kids on the use of checking and credit cards. That is one place where kids seem to have no common sense. Maybe because we show them everyday that credit cards and checks seem to be just like money. They never see the consequences of using them incorrectly. Good luck ... DAD.

Hang in there - it's their job to challenge parental authority at every opportunity ;]. Set your limits and enforce the consequences.

As an example, elder JR highschooler needs to maintain A's & B's if she wants to take driving lessons in the summer. She fails, she takes it in the fall at H.S. or, probably, second semester. It's up to her to maintain her grades. She's been mouthy about it, but she knows her Dad & I are firm on these terms, and that if she gets too sassy, things start getting taken away (#1 phone, #2 Computer, #3 sleepovers/mall, etc.).

I know it's cliche, but you have to pick your battles. And keep your head up - it's hard to be so unappreciated now, but in the long run they will be grateful!

ter ran I would be interested to know if you have boys or girls?? Believe it or not it does make a difference though not by much. I have two boys one in college and one still in highschool and have gone through exactly what you are going through with both. I can tell you it is a bit better now with the older one and I believe I am experiencing exactly what you are going through right now with my younger one

I can tell you having gone through something similar already it is normal and it will pass. Try and remember when you were younger Im sure you went through something similar with your parents. I am not perfect and i believe its important to admit when we are wrong or overreact, something i have been known to do from time to time I work with teenagers daily as well and they are all going through something similar at home.

All I can say is it is normal, you are not alone, trust your instincts, remember its ok to be tough (I work with a ton of teenagers who wouldnt have half the issues they have if their parents were a little tougher and more involved) and dont be afraid to admit when maybe you have gone overboard with a punishment or overreacted to a situation. I know for me that tends to happen LOL

Eitherway we are all here for you and are ready to listen when you need it

Hey everyone! I thank you for the great help, advice and support!! My days lately have kept me in the slumps due to these recent events. So I come to my second home here at the HF to bring a little sunshine to my gloom filled days..

For those asking, I have 2 young beautiful Daughters which I adore completely! One is in JR high and the other in High School. I happen to be closer to my daughters than most of my family or friends are too their own. I mean I have done so much with them since they were both in diapers up till now literary dragging them out of the malls! There was a point where I did not fear any situation or embarrassment when it came to them. I was once was offered/chosen as a Girlscout leader in which I accepted but only declined to wear the sweaters...

I would take them to brownies meets, Girlscout meets, Dance classes, Karate classes, Soccer practices, Cheerleading practices, tournaments, school functions, and take part in a bunch of other events/activities/assemblies. This was and is my true pleasure supporting them and I have not stopped to this very day! Matter of fact, I just came home from my daughters soccer game which she made a great goal! That makes me happy to see them happy!

I'm a real father who cares 1000% and they know I would do anything for them in a heartbeat! My kids know they come first before anyone else in the world! As I tell them often, "You are my oxygen! Because without you I can't breathe!" They look at me silly and snicker but it is soooo very true! Its gonna be hard for me to let go and give them more slack as they grow closer to adulthood. Nobody is ever prepared or ready for this, but it still hurts very much!

There is an cold silence floating within my home which has made everyone feel discomfort in some small way. Its like everyone is doing their own thing and not coming togther our regular family selves.. This is also accompanied with short one word replies or conversations. I don't like this nor do I want it to continue! I've always tried to tell them the truth and lead them into a rightous path. I have had 3 Rules or life lessons in which I always remind them throughout their entire lives:

#1. Family is 1st! ALWAYS!
#2. Always have Respect(Completely Respecting others and yourselves!)
#3. Be A leader and not a follower!(So use your own instinctive judgement in all situations)

So these are my core values if you will, but they should always lead them on a positive path if followed. As I may be blunt at times but all that is said or done is for their own good! Well thanks again for listening HF family!!

Yes, Pick your battles as stated above...and trust your instincts for sure. I feel that that you fail your kids when you act more as a buddy than a parent. I have two boys, one 17 and one older. Its really easy to 'go easy' and avoid conflicts, but in the long run, they just benefit more from setting limits and being serious about it. Each kid is unique, so there really is no definite method, so you gotta just go with your gut. It aint easy. All I know is thats how I did it, and we're all sitting here in the same room laughing together. Something must have worked I suppose.

** I hadn't seen your post above before I wrote this. I know that 'cold silence', It will eventually pass. It comes and goes, teenagers are VERY moody.

** You do eventually gotta trust 'em and let go too, hell, my youngest is going off with a band to play the Warped tour this year. Talk about scary!