Thread: A Halloween Story - I need your advice, please :)

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Hi

My sister is a writer. She is in the waiting of her first book publication. In the meantime, she writes short stories for children.

I'd like to have your advice about a short story she wrote (in French) and that I just translated (in English, ooooops )

If this sort story is readable, I'll publish it on my Halloween site.

Thank you in advance.
Dominique.

Here is the story:

Brussels, October 31st. Halloween Eve.

It is 7 PM, it is dark, the weather is cold and there are Very few persons in the streets.

I check my dictaphone: it works.

I am walking along the Conscience avenue looking for someone to interview on the Halloween evening.

Children wearing skeleton, witch, wizard, wolve... costumes walk up the street. They bear little bags which will be soon filled with candies and other sweets.

They stop in front of a strange house. Its frontage is made from dark red bricks. It's number is white chalked: 666.

I silently go near the children: I do not want to spoil the moment they have been waiting for one year. I am watching them, invisible in the darkness.

They discuss a moment. Unfortunately, I do not hear what they are saying. Suddenly, the group turns on to one of them.

I understand that they were in the process of choosing the one who would ring the doorbell. The child selected by the other seems to be frightened but he puts his finger on the button of the doorbell.

The doorbell cries its sorrowful sound. Inside the house, someone turns on the light, enlighting the darkness. The door opens and a black shadow approaches. One second later, I notice that it is a woman.

I hear the child's shaky voice: Tricks or treats!

The woman wears a long black dress, she has black eyes highlighted by grey shadow, her head wears a sapphire wig and her fingernails seem to be painted by the night itself. She tells something that I do not hear while she distributes candies, fruits and sweets to the children.

The group thanks her and goes away.

I rush to the door. I introduce myself and shake her hand. I ask her if she would agree to have an interview. She does not answer but invites me to enter her home.

I look at the decoration: in the living room, the walls are made from bricks and stones; a warm fire is burning in the fireplace. There are several candles featuring black and white ghosts, pumpkins, witches and other Halloween items placed on each table and on the supper-table is the biggest Jack O'Lantern I've ever seen. Some torchlights enlight the garden.

Beyond this theatrical decoration, there is a sweet home with clear pine furniture and dark blue seats, covered with light beige plaids.

A young boy covered by a white blanket is lying on the sofa. He is watching an episode of "The Simpsons Halloween Special".

The woman and I are talking together since one hour now. It is a very strange person. I get up and thank her for her patience.

I enter my car, I am tired. I rewind the tape and listen to the voices:

ME: Why do you wear this kind of costume?

The woman: This is not a costume. I reflect the dark half which lies in every human.

ME: Do you mean that there is an evil part in all of us?

The woman: Have you ever seen people running around kids who are having fun? Obviously not! But people rush and beat to watch the victims of a car crash.
They run to watch horror movies, which have a huge success. The newspapers like "Detective" are read by people claiming to be disgusted and shocked but who read them from the first page to the last one. It is the dark half of the human race.

ME: Is your costume a way to show your neighbours the dark of their soul?

The woman: I am not in disguise. This is not a Halloween costume; I wear these clothes each day. You did not understand what I said. You did not understand who I am nor what I am.

I push on the button to stop the tape. I would like to erase from my memory who she is and what she is.

It's an interesting story, could definitely be made longer and more involved then turn into something...Thanks for posting it, Happy Halloween!

Thanks for the reply
Happy Halloween to you too.

A good short story with good visual elements. I am left not knowing what to make of the dark women figure. Is this the mother or a spirit that lives in the house and is only seen on Halloween night. Another clue to who this may be is needed.

Hi Bone Dancer

This is precisely the mystery, the fact that the reader can do what he wants with this character.

I personally deduced that she is the spirit of Halloween, the dark half of each of us.

Officially she is a single mom. Her child lives like any other child and his mother reveals what she is once a year: on October 31...

The French text is much longer and more detailed except for the woman. Unfortunately, my English is very bad and it was really hard to translate this text. I'll perhaps will rewrite it a little bit after having my English training in December ;-)

May I have the french version please?

What do you mean?
Do you wish that I post the French version here or to receive the text in your mailbox?
In case you wish that I send the text, I'd like to know what you plan to do with it

Don't worry I'm not planning to do some bad things ! lol
I would like to have the original version because I'm French.
You can send me on my mail box if you want.

Ok, I will send you the file but may I have your mail address?

You can have it on my public profile. Thanks.