Thread: Film Review: Troll 2

Tweet

just lately discovered the awesomeness of Netflix Streaming, so what was the first movie I watch out of all the obscure films and classic horror and avant garde material available?


That's right..it was time for Troll 2.

Now, at the outset...this has a reputation as a horrible, horrible film. I have seen movies before I literally could not finish just due to banality and general awfulness, and Troll 2 is something else. It held my interest all the way through and there was never a thought of not finishing it, like I have had with countless other cheap horror films.

With all that said..this movie is downright crap on every level in an almost insanely amusing way, displaying feats of sheer illogical silliness that rival Dr. Seuss's live action film "The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T". The "trolls" of the title are vegetarian Druid protector spirits, seemingly, and they live in human disguise in the town of Nilbog. (Get it? GET IT? NILBOG! That's how clever this movie is..but why isn't the town called Llort?)

So, a typical family of bad eighties actors sets out to be farmers for vacation (?) in scenic Nilbog, accompanied by the youngest son's dead grandpa's ghost who still reads him bedtime stories (??).

The rest of the plot isn't really worth getting into, apart from the goblins (NOT TROLLS, get it right, title) eat only vegetable matter and are thus intent on making all visitors consume vile green foodstuffs so that they turn into plant mush, I guess.





Youngest son Captain Whiny is on to their evil plan thanks to Dead Grandpa, and so tries to save his family by acting like a spoiled jerk and acting out. Needless to say, no one believes him. There's a subplot about the daughter's boyfriend and his whiny friends following them in an RV, but they all die in ridiculous ways, so they don't matter.


Death by popcorn and making out!


No explanation required.

The goblins themselves are basically dwarf actors in lumpy potato-sack costumes with stupid masks, except for the one who appears as a dummy in a mask in the car at the start:



When in human form, the town convenience store owner is very convincingly not a goblin at all...


BEST NON GOBLIN DISGUISE EVER.

Running all this craziness is a "druid queen" who has a replica of Stonehenge in her house/abandoned church/vacant building.

For the record, Troll 2 says druids look like this:



The female actress who is the queen druid is truly horrible. Picture her making that expression the entire film, go on.....(it lasts an hour and thirty-four minutes).

Of course, in bad movie logic, the solution to the goblin issue is twofold: dead grandpa shows up with a molotov cocktail to blow the creatures up (!), but that fails, so young annoying lad saves the day in the end by....eating a bologna sandwich which makes the goblins melt in horror. Seriously. Vegetarian goblins can be dispelled by watching someone eat processed meat goods...who knew? The day is saved and annoying family goes back home....until of course the surprise ending when mom and kid are home alone, mom melts to vegetable goo in the shower and kid comes downstairs to find the potato-sack wearing dwarves in the kitchen, eating the mushy green remains. End film!



I may make a habit of reviewing more of these bad Netflix streaming flicks, if response is there and any move me to do so...heh. Hope this was enjoyed by fellow lovers of bad cinema, and I shall leave you with this stellar example of the action of Troll 2:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyophYBP_w4"]YouTube - A Scene From Troll 2[/ame]

It's a steaming pile of s..., good for a laugh though.

I'm sure I saw this back in the day for no other reason than I worked at a video store & could watch it for free.

Even after reading all that I still don't remember it.LOL!