Thread: Funniest Scares?

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Here are two from "The vault". The first just a practical joke with abuse!
The building to the east of my haunt was built to be a Ford Model "T" garage, by 1940 it was a Chevy garage and "Elmer" was a body man working there. (Elmer had many "adventures because he wasn't very sober, very often until he was maybe 60 years old!)
The small auto garage across the street to the west had no plumbing but the mechanic that ran it did have a female bookkeeper who needed a bathroom every day, so across the narrow street she would come to "borrow" the Chevy garage's toilet.
There was a hairline crack in the bathroom door, just big enough to "spy" through. Elmer was peeking as the Bookkeeper sat down. Elmer's "job" was to make sure she was sitting, then to give the signal to the other man to throw the switch which would then send a fair amount of Dc current from the Model "T" coil to the small wires expertly hidden on the toilet seat.
Elmer signaled and as quick as current going through a copper wire, the bookkeeper shot up and off the seat, hit the door, knocking Elmer flat on his back as she kicked and slapped Elmer voraciously! (Payment)

When Elmer was too "sick" (alcohol poisoning) to show up for a full day's work in the body shop, he would come in and pull a curtain in the window partualy over his business sigh that said:"The Paint Shop" to make it read:"The aint Shop!"
Elmer was deathly afraid of... goats. One of Elmer's late days, some of the other guys brought a goat to the Chevy garage, led it up the steps to the second floor parts attic then closed the big , heavy wooden trap door that was controlled via a pulley and rope with counter weights to not allow it to totally slam down.
Elmer finally showed up for work.
"Elmer, go upstairs and see if we have a /=98476 part up there?"
Elmer climbed the stairs, pushed open the trap door, looked up and the guys had went the extra half-mile by putting a Halloween mask on the goat, which the goat didn't appreciate and was violently shaking his head back and forth attempting to shake free of it!
So.. not only was Elmer afraid of goats to begin with but now he had a fully, wacky, animated version looking right at him from the catbird seat above him from a very near distance!
Elmer let out a yell! , Fell backwards down the stairs, knocking himself unconscious! (Cheaper than alcohol?)

The man was about 38 yrs. old a Black man who worked a TV camera for a Tv station 65 miles from here, quite a scare he put together too!
He made an inflatable appendage that blended right into his neck in it's deflated position. He had a small compressed air canister hooked up to the facial device via a very small flexible tube and a valve hidden in his pocket to activate it.
His first victim was a bartender in a quiet establishment:"Oh, I shouldn't have had that drink... I don't feel so good....oh, oh .. oh..The Bar keep was watching closely now, inquiring as to his general health as the man , clutching his neck is bobbing and weaving on the bar stool and his neck swells, and swells looking like a Bull frog!
He earned quite the reaction from the bar man, but the best one was yet to come!
He attended a party that night and was talking with two women when the "curse" struck him again!
moaning, holding his neck the women were concerned at first, then terrified!
So much so that they scaled a five foot high cyclone fence!!
He was pretty proud of his horrific device that he had built, and well he should be!

A few years ago a group of 8 couples were in my front room, one man had been here before and everything that I said or did, everything he looked at in my house made him laugh, non-stop like a total lunatic!
(Gets on one's nerves after awhile)
Since he had been here before, I asked him if he would like to go down into the wine cellar first, by himself for awhile?
He did, he went, I had found some modicum of "peace".
As the rest of us all arrived in the wine cellar I noticed that this man was now a totally "different" person. No more laughing, just staring straight ahead a "frozen" face.
As we all were leaving the house at the exit 15 minutes later I had to ask him, "Is something wrong?"
He said, "I haven't seen a ghost since I was ten years old!"
Then he went on to describe "The Lady In White"!
"She floated out of her corner about four feet above the ground, just looking at me for awhile, then she turned her head away, turned her body away, then it looked as if she was walking up a flight of stairs as she disappeared into a solid rock wall..and that's when I got Scared! Because all the rest of the way through the house I felt as if she was right behind me all the way!"
This no special effect.
When I was trying to buy this house many elderly citizens here told me it was "Haunted" and that I should not buy it because of that reason.
They all said in 1925 they tried to have a speakeasy tavern in the wine cellar but it failed because of the continued reappearances of .. a lady in a white dress, who kept showing up and scaring away the drinkers....
No Fiction Here.
Real scare !

It's always nice to make someone piss their pants.

Seriously. Pumpkin guts and watermelons...throwing a car out of a plane? If someone so much as touched one of my cars, they would pull back a bloody stump. Any damage, I could fix and repair, I built them from the ground up anyhow, but seriously. "Do what you want with a man, but do not **** with his Cadillac."

Good scares? Well, I have the idiots who peer around my Hearse if I go shopping and see my zombie in the window (Occasionally, this makes it to Youtube from one of their friends) or the woman who made it all the way through my yard one year to the front door to get candy, only because her friends dragged and at one point, lifted and carried her. Now after she got her candy and realized I was not only real (My particular costume choices often seem so impossible to be real actors, I abuse this fact and stand still, pretending to be another prop) but somehow right behind her, she ran screaming. Now at the first turn, a right angle where my path goes around the house, I had a pneumatic coffin facing back, (Always scare them coming AND going) and when that went off, she turned to run back...but I was even closer now, so she hesitated, ran around the coffin, right off the path, through a huge spiderweb net, got caught, found her way around it, somehow not falling over and into two more props on her way out. As she ran from the front of the yard at complete random, screaming and popping out unexpectedly, she scared the other ten or so people still out by the road as she ran between them, her friends all still by the front door, laughing hysterically. I bet she wet herself. I try to make sure it happens at least a couple times a year.

My story has nothing to do with Halloween. First let me say that we live in South Carolina where there were no armadillos. Over the last few years we are seeing more and more. Our first experience was when one got into our back yard because a child left the gate open. It dug a big hole and stayed in it all day. At night it would ruin my back yard as they dig a lot! So one night my hubby sees it and decides to get it out of the fence. He goes out with nothing but a flash light. When he shines the light it freezes. Now he is stuck with the realization that he has no idea how to approach this thing. Will it bite, will it claw, could he just herd it out the gate?

In a moment of great male wisdom he decides to put a bucket over it. This will certainly solve the problem!...Ok, at this point I need to add that it is 1 in the morning and my hubby is in nothing but boxer shorts. So, where were we.... Oh, yes, my brave, scantily clad hubby braving 'catching' a wild armadillo by covering it with a bucket. Are you picturing the scene?? He is so proud of his accomplishment. He looks to me for my awe and approval of his manly ability. Recap, guy in undies, armadillo under bucket... At this point the armadillo begins to race around under the bucket. The bucket begins to "chase" my husband, who then begins to let out the most girly screams I have ever heard as he runs wildly around the backyard from the dangerous man-eating bucket!

All this time we have been filling out haunts with skeletons and zombies. All we really need to do it make a moving bucket and the brave men of the world will run screaming like girls!! If only I had a video camera that night!!

Three young soldiers , Desert Storm Vets, wanted to spend the night in my wine cellar (it's haunted) One of these young men and his sister had been very good customers of my haunted house, so I begrudgingly allowed them, they deposited their sleeping bags in the wine cellar, I left, went upstairs. A few scant minutes later they were up stairs, saying:"We can't stay down there because "Something" is down there!" (They had just been bragging about laying in mud as the real enemy bullets whizzed over their heads!)
So, they left.
This was THE one time I have ever faked something possibly "supernatural" to scare someone away or anything.
I had pulled a cheap little tape player up into the 11 by 11 inch vent hole in the center of the 12 foot high stone arch ceiling. When any sound comes from this location it echos and bounces around the room, seeming to come from various locations.
In the tape player I had put a 5 minute long loop-tape.
Once every five minutes they would hear a sound sort of like ......"eh!"
That was it!
So if you ever need to scare a bunch of big, bad soldiers just go, "Eh!"
The things they Don't teach you in basic!
hahahaha!
I do believe , that "Less" is "More".(Allowing the imagination to kick into gear and then, away we go!)