Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
- - - He was buttering up his teacher.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
- - - He's all right now.

Have you seen Quasimodo?
- - - I have a hunch he's back!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
- - - He turns into a bat every night.

How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
- - - All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

How did the ghost patch his sheet?
- - - With a pumpkin patch.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
- - - She bats her eyes.

What did the cannibal do when he saw an "All you can eat" restaurant?
- - - He had two waiters and a busboy.

What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
- - - Ghoul-aid.

What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
- - - Whipped scream.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
- - - I Scream.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
- - - Fish and ships.

What do witches put on their hair?
- - - Scare spray.

What do you call a little monster's parents?
- - - Mummy and deady.

What do you call a monster with no neck?
- - - The Lost Neck Monster.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
- - - A sand witch.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
- - - A sour-puss.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
- - - Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
- - - Bamboo.

What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day?
- - - Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
- - - He is mist.

What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
- - - The actors get stage fright.

What instrument do skeletons play?
- - - Trom-BONE.

What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
- - - A celebrity roast.

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
- - - Fangsgiving.

What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
- - - His other fang.

What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
- - - Decomposing.

What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
- - - Mas-scare-a.

What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
- - - Boo boos.

What kind of music do ghosts listen to?
- - - Sheet music.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
- - - A boo-tie.

What was the witches' favorite subject in school?
- - - Spelling.

What's a ghost's favorite desert?
- - - Boo-berry pie.

What's a monster's favorite bean?
- - - A human bean.

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
- - - It's a pain in the neck.

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
- - - Dayscare centers.

Where do most werewolves live?
- - - In Howllywood, California.

Where does a ghost go on vacation?
- - - Mali-boo.

Where does a one-armed man shop?
- - - At a second hand store.

Where does Dracula usually eat his lunch?
- - - At the casketeria.

Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
- - - The Vampire State Building.

Which songs does Dracula hate?
- - - "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders."

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
- - - His ghoul friend.

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
- - - Napoleon bone-apart.

Who was the most famous ghost detective?
- - - Sherlock Moans.

Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
- - - Sherlock Bones.

Who was the most famous witch detective?
- - - Warlock Holmes.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
- - - Because of his coffin.

Why did the cannibal rush over to the cafeteria?
- - - He heard children were half price.

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
- - - He didn't have a haunting license.

Why did the ghost go into the bar?
- - - For the boos.

Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
- - - To see if she was his type.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
- - - He had no guts.

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
- - - He had no body to dance with.

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
- - - Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
- - - They're good at keeping things under wraps.

Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
- - - He has a bat temper.

Why don't mummies take vacations?
- - - They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
- - - They're afraid of flying off the handle!

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
- - - Because everyone was a goblin!

Why were there screams coming from the kitchen ?
- - - The cook was beating the eggs.


Tiff