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Thread: Random Humor

  1. #61

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    The true inspiration for Angry Birds...




    A man escapes from prison, where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

    While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too!!"

  2. #62

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    Even primitives enjoyed Sesame Street.





    Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

    One day, the teacher called on her while she was napping. "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

    When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April. The teacher said, "Very good," and April fell back asleep.

    A while later, the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April, and the teacher said, "Very good," and April fell back to sleep.

    Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time, April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

    The teacher fainted.

  3. #63

    Default

    some good ones you guys.
    ?coulrophobia ?
    don't laugh, this fear is contagious


  4. #64
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
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    Posts
    28

    Default

    Are they your cats? Can I have them.

  5. #65
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Nowheresville, CA
    Posts
    1,863

    Default

    Little April, such a smart girl

    Seeing Bert reminded me of this.
    Name:  Bert and Ernie.jpg
Views: 666
Size:  8.6 KB

    This is one of my favorite pranks ever.
    Name:  Caution Zombies!.jpg
Views: 403
Size:  8.5 KB

    Sums up some of my feelings about Dexter, especially on days when I've spent time in public.
    Name:  Dexter Ad.jpg
Views: 666
Size:  11.0 KB
    I'm waiting for the night to fall, when everything is bearable
    And there in the still, all that you feel is tranquility

  6. #66

    Default

    Love those, DP. I remember the zombie one being in the headlines before




    Since you didn't get to smack the badgers in the other video, hallo, here you go

  7. #67

    Default

    thanks, but now i want to smack those flying squirrels too. lol.
    ?coulrophobia ?
    don't laugh, this fear is contagious


  8. #68

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hallorenescene View Post
    thanks, but now i want to smack those flying squirrels too. lol.
    Haha. Okay, I'll spare you any more videos for now




    "You've heard the Jimmy Hoffa theories, right? Well, keep it up..."

  9. #69

    Default

    garth, you can post your videos, i won't smack you.
    ?coulrophobia ?
    don't laugh, this fear is contagious


  10. #70
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Nowheresville, CA
    Posts
    1,863

    Default

    I know the song said that pandas and cucumbers are enemies, but they looked like the exact opposite of enemies in that shot


    I haven't seen this movie in years, but this scene reminds me of why I liked it.
    I'm waiting for the night to fall, when everything is bearable
    And there in the still, all that you feel is tranquility

 

 
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