Thread: Oh gee, I just don't know if I can do this now...

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A dear friend of mine died last night after a long battle with cancer. On Saturday, instead of working on my cemetery fence and gate, I will be attending her funeral. I just don't know now if I can set up a mock cemetery in my front yard with her death so much on my mind. I feel kind of like scraping the whole thing and doing something completely different now but I don't know what I would do. I know I'll be sorry if I don't have a big display for the trick or treaters but now it just doesn't feel right, you know? Almost disrespectful? Plus, her son and mine are very close and I just don't want him to come over and have to look at all this stuff related to death so soon after losing his mom. I don't know. I'm probably not making any sense right now but I'm just trying to sort out what to do or not to do...

I'm so sorry hun, *hugs* just do what you think is right and appropriate.

I am so sorry - for you losing a friend and for her family's loss.

I totally get not wanting to set up the graveyard. If you really can't see yourself doing it (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with not feeling it this year!) you can easily just switch to all lights and pumpkins and spiderwebs and be the spooky haunted house.

Or take the year off on decorating and just have a JOL on the stoop, a bowl of candy for the TOTs and enjoy the costumes.

Nothing says you have to go big every year. It's what you feel like AND are comfortable with doing.

(big hugs)

Exactly. You do what you *feel* is best. You need to take care of YOU. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sorry for you loss and agree with FG.

Madame, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I agree with Frankie - if it doesn't feel right to you then decorate with more uplifting items. Smiling JOLs, lights, etc. Whatever your heart tells you. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I do agree about not wanting to be disrespectful, especially since her son will be coming over. You're very kind to be so considerate of his feelings.

Thank you all for your kind words. I'm going to talk to my son about it when he gets home and get his take on things as well.
I know I will do something, I just don't know what it will be now. It's so late to be starting over. I was so excited about my gravedigger prop and new fence. But I can't seem to separate it all from the current reality.
I do have my three witches I could put out but nothing else to go with them to fill in the rest of the yard.

Maybe you could keep the fence, put out a big cauldron, and make the grave digger the witches' victim. Just a thought...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I kind of know what you're feeling. My father passed away on Christmas last year. But the whole ordeal started the day before Halloween. He did come to my house on Halloween. I was busy running around preparing for my chili party and finishing up with outside decor and couldn't really visit with him and the chili was too spicy for him to eat. I didn't know it would be the last time he would be at my home. I replay that day, and the months up till the end, in my head constantly and am haunted by it.

I've been changing up my theme for the last several years, but always have a graveyard scene. Well this year I decided to have a tribal theme, and no graveyard. I just really didn't think I could get into making tombstones, and I still have yet to have my father's marker ordered. Now it doesn't bother me to see Halloween graveyards or tombstones and such, but I just didn't want to get into that this year. My cemetery fence will still go up, but will be turned into tribal fencing. I don't know what tribes have a fence, but mine will!

Maybe you should just take some time to grieve, take it easy, and see how you feel in a little while. I know its different for you as you were in the midst of your planning for this year, but if your friend knew you were so enthusiastic about Halloween, she may have wanted you to continue with what you love.