Thread: Well My wife has found that one thing thats scarier than Halloween... Divorce!

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She doesn't mean it... at least I don't think she does, but, I am curious. How have any of you brought your Dr. Jekyll along as you run amok as Mr./Mrs. Hyde. I feel like (as she put it the other day) Halloween is all about me. Yet I don't want it to be. I want her and my kids to enjoy it just as much. I would love for them to participate in the creation of the monsters, props and setting for our yard haunts but it seems I (with all my sales skills) can not bring her down the same path. Any Suggestions?

I find it interesting that I should even be asking this question but there you have it. Any thoughts of your own?

You can't force someone to love Halloween as much as yourself. I can get Sally involved and she'll decorate and all of that but it will never be the same for her as it is for me. But all of that is okay. There are things she enjoys that I don't like doing. You need to compromise and reach a common understanding and acceptance. It takes time and she has done some small projects and each year gets a little more involved. I also know she'll never do anything as involved as what I do and it's okay.

Sally and I have been together for 27 years and realize that we don't always agree but we still love each other.

Not quite sure if your concern is that you want your wife to enjoy Halloween as much as you or if your wife is concerned you are going overboard.

Since I ran into the overboard concern I'll answer that part:

This hobby/obsession is somewhat like dancing with the devil for me. That's why I'm constantly checking in with hubby if I'm starting to fall off the cliff or too close to the edge. Also, he has standing permission to speak up if he feels I'm going too far. The reason for the outsider's check is that I have seen others that have a hobby/obsession that went off the rails and they simply don't see it. Perhaps no one close to them spoke up or they ignored them. Dunno but it seems more common then not so hubby has the ultimate authority to pull the reins or pull the plug.

My parents also have this authority and they did pull the reins last year. You may have noticed that my original plan didn't get fully completed. They spoke up and were concerned and when I took a cold, sober look at my to-do's it was too much. I crossed off many of the projects in July. It felt great but still had a lot to do and by Halloween I nearly burnt myself out. Should have crossed off more because (to be honest) nearly thought of stopping this altogether. Two months later, I have the motivation back and quitting would have been a shame. But, just like doing this for profit (a job) doing too much was killing the fun. And, isn't Halloween supposed to be fun? I'm not really doing this for the ToTs, I'm doing it for me.

So, I guess I'm saying in a long-winded way... if your wife is telling you to put on the brakes - you should consider deeply what she is saying.

Since you already have a Wife this advice might be too late. If any guys are out there looking for a Wife, I suggest the first thing that you want the truth about is a very simple thing, does she like the Three Stooges or not?
Many Women do not, whereas a large number of guys sure seem to. I believe this shows a certain something concerning a woman's personality as far as acceptance of crude, scary things are concerned since the "Fun" of Halloween is almost ALL actually "Socially Unacceptable" by refined, common standards after all!
I have been obsessed by various things in my 62 years. I have learned along the way that some jobs, tasks will require an obsession to get them accomplished. Just look around at those you share your life with and make sure you give them enough of "You" to keep them around. Such situations can reversed, how would you feel about them ignoring your affections?
Life runs backwards. We have kids, but have to work 70 hours a week to pay the bills, the kids grow up, leave, now there is more time to be with them? Nuts!??
I had a Wife I was communicating with sharing "our" dream but she changed her mind or simply lied and I found out when we had no place left to try as far as a place to live or income possibilitys but by that time she had been planning Her escape and had Her financing in place and of course worked to alienate our two small boys from me every chance she got.
Life's not "Fair" nor easy most of the time, we all seek answers but really we each have to find our own way, and in the end we do because we are who we really listen to afterall.

I dunno.... I'm a guy and can't stand the Stooges. Adding to that, I suppose I don't like crude scary things either so the previous description seems a little limiting to me but could be amended by saying that if you both have similar tastes in artistic expression, then you can likely find common ground in Halloween set ups. If she only likes unicorns and you hate everything but chainsaw massacre scenes, well........ *shrug*

My wife and I make a hell of a team when it comes to Halloween. Unfortunately, we are not a good example for this situation as we both loved the holiday and the same style of art before we were married. Neither had to influence the other. Not when picking out Halloween themes and/or decor, nor when picking out a couch. We aren't a perfect couple, but when it comes to these things it's pure bliss.

In the end, I just think it's important to find common ground and build on that.

EDIT TO ADD: I also thinks it is important to have willingness to draw attention to yourself, and have some pride in where you live. You are after all putting yourself out there for everyone to judge. Neighbors, passers by, ToTr's... you name it. If that makes her uncomfortable then that might also be a problem.

[...]I suggest the first thing that you want the truth about is a very simple thing, does she like the Three Stooges or not?
Many Women do not, whereas a large number of guys sure seem to. I believe this shows a certain something concerning a woman's personality as far as acceptance of crude, scary things are concerned since the "Fun" of Halloween is almost ALL actually "Socially Unacceptable" by refined, common standards after all!

I'm female, I love Halloween and I absolutely loathe the Three Stooges. Nor do I like crude stuff..... I like it very elegant. But I still love Halloween; not sure just how valid your litmus test is.

My wife tried to "help" the first year we were together by telling me how to set it up....I told her it wouldn't work that way because electrical/air/lighting was set up in a totally different way which led to an argument....etc...etc....That was the end of helping me set up.....She doesn't have much interest in helping build stuff so her involvment now is coming out from time to time and saying nice things like "Hey, that's really cool, I like that".....She loves dressing up in costume and having the party though I would definitely consider this MY hobby.....NOW.....It's a hobby like any other hobby, it takes TIME and MONEY....The less you build yourself the more money it takes....The more stuff you build, your killing alot more of your personal time you could spend doing other things so it's a balancing act for sure....As long as I have the bills paid up to date, food in the fridge and the savings is in the bank then I'm good to go if I want to buy something for my hobby....It's pretty much that simple....We have common goals and I make sure to not spend too many days in "Halloween World" that I forget I have other things in my life going on....Sure it sucks leaving a project your totally submerged in to spend some "quality time" but you'll be glad you did in the end....I quit working on a project the other night so I could kick her butt on wii bowling....Of course she beat me but then she started to lose the next game...Then when she went to step to "roll the ball" the cat decided to stand in front of her causing her to trip/kick it which totally screwed her shot up....Man she was mad and I'm sitting there like "I'm gonna win this, I'm gonna win this"...LOL...So that covers a few angles of it I guess....I don't know if your wife thinks you have an addiction to your hobby or what but it sounds like you need to talk it out so you both have an understanding of what's going on.....That would be the most important part of everything I said.....Good Luck.....ZR

Look, either way you gain. She either conforms or you get another corpse in the graveyard. Muuuuhhhhaaaa!

I had to at least say THAT even in jest- it's a halloween forum!

Can't force a hobby on others. If you can't enjoy your passions yourself, consider that it may not really be fulfilling you either. Try not to take things SO seriously. Keep it all in perspective- it's a one day holiday and we're talking about decorations for it. It shouldn't consume you so much that it monopolises your brain all the time. There's a ton of life to be lived in a year and it shouldn't all revolve around the coming of one day.

For those of you who are too wrapped up in it and find yourself and your family exhausted, this year do the absolute minimal for new things. Add one new thing, not a dozen. And be careful about the trap of new themes every year. That is immense pressure. That's why more generic displays and haunts can be eaiser. They can be elaberate, but every single thing doesn't have to tie into the same theme, which makes it easier and less labor intensive. If you've themed yourself into a corner, try and go the other way with it. It'll be easier on YOU, and just as cool for your guests. I almost killed myself last year with my ambitions. I know the signs- irritability and preoccupation beyond reason. This year I'm talking a break and setting up the same display as last year almost entirley. I know where I stand with it, I can set it up easily now, and people were thrilled by it. And it'll give me some time to get many set details in that I haven't gotten a chance to do, being SO busy with the display itself.

If it's not fun for you and makes the rest of the family nuts, consider scaling back and simplifying. All of us extreme haunters know one thing, really- we can do a QUARTER of what we do and still knock visitors out. It's only a compulsion that makes us think we MUST go extreme. Consider ways to simplify and regain the happy you may have lost.

Dan

Can you identify exactly what her objection is? Time away from family building & displaying props, storage space, finances, (fill in the blank)? Hopefully you can at least find a way to minimize whatever aspects bother her and live in harmony. There aren't a lot of things more important than Halloween - kidding! - but family is one of them.

As far as encouraging the rest of your family to love the holiday, I agree with the others that you can't force it, but maybe you can emphasize any angle they do enjoy. Hosting a party? Sewing costumes? Brainstorming? Visiting every secondhand shop on the hunt for stuff? There must be at least one portion you can share with each family member in turn to start winning them over.

Well--your first mistake was not getting married on Halloween--that indicates a pretty high level of interest in the holiday...that's what I and my spouse did. But seriously even people who really love Halloween may love it in different ways and have different ideas of how much time they want to spend on the holiday, how they want to celebrate it, and what Halloween decorating/haunting means to them. Just try to find an aspect of Halloween that she does enjoy and let her run a little amok on that part--with you helping her out on that aspect. She might love decorating indoors, dressing up, cooking, collecting little Halloween villages, coming up with party games, lights, whatever--just try to include her in the loop in a way she can really enjoy. Often it is about feeling under appreciated or lack of attention from a spouse, so my thought is make Halloween a holiday where you can share in making Halloween a really special day, but in a way that is fun for everyone. Figure out what she likes doing and try to connect that to Halloween. A little give and take on both spouse's parts can make a big difference.

Hope you find a way to make Halloween really special for your whole family!