Thread: all i get is negative reinforcement about halloween

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so im 16 and all i get is negative reinforcement from my parents. they always use it against me like this "if you dont do this than were gonna take away halloween from you" im a good kid, but im sick of them using my favorite thing against me. its just messed up. also they always do stuff like say like you cant set this up now. i hate it. it makes me wanna stop doing this, i never feel like setting up now.

Well always try and respect ur parents but i would really try and sit them down and let them know this is ur passion and there is alot worse things out there kids are doing now days... ask them to help u set up? Make it a family day.. ? Just my 2 cents

You're 16. Your parents are going to do lots of things that drive you crazy, but then someday you'll be 36 with kids of your own and you'll completely understand why they did everything that drove you crazy. In fact, you'll probably do the same thing to your kids.

There's also usually a difference between being a "good kid" in your eyes and being a "good kid" in theirs, hence why they are threatening you with taking away your Halloween. Now's a great time to make the huge cognitive leap into understanding you have to do things you might not like or agree with to make it in life, suck it up, and do what your parents expect you to do. It's amazing how great life can be when you start exceeding peoples' expectations of you.

Nice points, Bruzilla. Let's hope the original poster's parents are not anything like mine were.

In my experience parents tend to overuse any possible threat they have over you. In my case, it was a favorite television show. If I so much as looked the wrong way, my weekly viewing of my favorite was taken away from me.

Since there was no way short of induction into literal sainthood that I could have been perfect enough to suit them, ESPECIALLY my mother [who has never ever erred once in her whole life, not even once... she's all but divine, just ask her] I quickly realized that I was never going to get to see my favorite show again. And I didn't, not till I was an adult and bought the boxed DVD set. And yes, I *was* thinking "Take that, Mom... let's see you stop me now!" as I added to cart.

So maybe the original poster is not a "good kid," maybe he's not "doing what his parents expect of him".... could be, or maybe he's saddled with two not-really-mentally-healthy nutcases like I was. All I can say is that this tactic of my parents backfired horribly. Thirty years after the fact, I still resent what they did, and I think it was crappy parenting. But at least they were not hitting me, so the show was a small loss in that regard.

Dangerous to let your parents know you're really interested in anything. The temptation to use your interest as a sword of Damocles over your head is all but irresistible to them.

p.s. Scary, hang in there. This too will pass, and one day soon you'll be grown up.

The point to denying access to something is to teach your kids you need to apply yourself in order to get what you want in life. Kids who learn that lesson are the ones who forgo certain short-term wants in order to attain long-term goals. They are the ones who are more likely to accept living in a crappy apartment until they can afford to buy a home instead of getting in over their heads buying something they can't afford. They are the ones who drive a crappy car instead of rushing to buy an expensive new one, who stick with a crappy job because they know what they're lerning will get them a much better job in the future.

The kids who want to rebel against their parents usually, ironically, end up living with their parents later in life because they can't hold a job, defaulted on their mortgage, etc.

Originally Posted by Bruzilla

You're 16. Your parents are going to do lots of things that drive you crazy, but then someday you'll be 36 with kids of your own and you'll completely understand why they did everything that drove you crazy. In fact, you'll probably do the same thing to your kids.

There's also usually a difference between being a "good kid" in your eyes and being a "good kid" in theirs, hence why they are threatening you with taking away your Halloween. Now's a great time to make the huge cognitive leap into understanding you have to do things you might not like or agree with to make it in life, suck it up, and do what your parents expect you to do. It's amazing how great life can be when you start exceeding peoples' expectations of you.

Excellent response. You must be a parent!

Heavy stuff guy's... 16 is hard to deal with at both ends of the spectrum. Finding out what your parents want out of you is the first thing you need to know so you can make the right decisions for yourself and make your parents happy. The other side and the much harder one is to try to get you parents to understand how important this is for you and that it makes you happy plus what it does for the kids in the neighbourhood...this is not a selfish act on your part.

Originally Posted by Bruzilla

The point to denying access to something is to teach your kids you need to apply yourself in order to get what you want in life. Kids who learn that lesson are the ones who forgo certain short-term wants in order to attain long-term goals. They are the ones who are more likely to accept living in a crappy apartment until they can afford to buy a home instead of getting in over their heads buying something they can't afford. They are the ones who drive a crappy car instead of rushing to buy an expensive new one, who stick with a crappy job because they know what they're lerning will get them a much better job in the future.

The kids who want to rebel against their parents usually, ironically, end up living with their parents later in life because they can't hold a job, defaulted on their mortgage, etc.

I'm not living with my parents, nor am I driving a crappy car. Our house is completely paid for, we don't have a mortgage and haven't for over 10 years. I am professional with a bachelor's degree.

My point was that not all parents are perfect, and the original poster may indeed be struggling with irrational parenting. As I did.

My parents wanted a drone, who would obey their commands no matter what for the rest of their lives. I think that's crap, and I rebelled - if only in my heart. I didn't love them for what they did. If that makes me a bad person, so be it.

None of us know the original poster's true postion, so I think "suck it up no matter what they do to you, you deserve it" is going a bit far. And with that I am out of this thread; I am here to enjoy myself.

worst case ... when you're "grow up" on your own, making your own way in the world, then you are "free" to do what you want ...

amk

While I agree with all of the posters that a teenager should respect their parents, I also believe at the same time that only using negative reinforcement can be damaging to a child and make them respect their parents less. Thus it creates an endless cycle. While I do not know the details of what misbehaviors led to the threats ( and yes I say threats because generally that is what it is) I also believe that this form of parenting is far from optimal. A better method I believe is to encourage good behavior instead of only punishing bad behavior. Like perhaps , hey if you actually take out the garbage like you are supposed to every month then we will pitch in so much to your favorite hobby. This I believe instills the lesson that if I want good things to happen I need to work for it, instead of only instilling the if you screw up we take it away system. Yes certain actions should have consequences, but threatening to take away the one thing a child looks forward to for every infraction will only breed spite and more rebellion. I personally would rather reinforce an activity my child does that is positive instead of using it as a weapon until the child decides to find less positive activities to do. Needless to say these negative acts will usually be things done behind the parents backs and out of their supervision and will usually be done out of rebellion. Just my two cents.