Thread: Favorite Jokes

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Got any favorite clean jokes, funny stories, or anything humorous you want to share?

A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit !!"

knock, knock...
...who's there?
Amahl...
...Amahl who?
Amahl Shook up...

Bfjou was in a restaurant yesterday when he suddenly realized he desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so he timed his gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, he started to feel better. He finished his beer and noticed that everybody was staring at him....

Then bfjou suddenly remembered that he was listening to his iPod through his earpiece.

Where does the one legged waitress work?.......................................The Ihop

What was the waitress' name?......................................Eileen

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I bet TheShadows 10.00 she could line 10 cars end to end and I would pull my shoes off and
jump over them. She lined up the cars, I pulled off my shoes and jumped over my shoes. I won
the ten bucks. She went to her friend and said, "I bet you 10 bucks you can line up 10
cars end to end and I will pull off my shoes and jump over all them cars!"

Realizing she had worded it wrong, she darn near killed herself trying to jump over all them
cars!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile stop a bloke in the street. The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, "We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of an hallucinogenic nature, Sir."