Heh heh...I love it...

You'll need a suit. Charcoal or navy. Black, if you want...though I'm the only one at work who wears a black suit (it is more intimidating, though). If you have long hair, wear it up -- tight bun, twist, whatever. Glasses, sure, especially if worn somewhat down your nose. You'll need an ID badge too -- easy enough -- you could use the kind worn around your neck, but some of us have badge wallets, that you can flash like, well, a badge, when you identify your victim.

You'll need a briefcase. Inside the case, you'll need a calculator, of course, preferably the kind with a tape...and lots and lots of tape with numbers. Files, thick, with the names of your guests on them, indicating that yes, we really do know everything about you. And you could throw in a severed arm or leg, since that's what you took from your last audit once you found what he was hiding....

Attitude -- very serious, stern, even grim. Suspicious. Make lots of eye contact, look like you're looking into them. Ask questions, respond with things like "mmhmm", and "I see" in such a way that it doesn't sound good. At some point, you'll want to use the phrase from my signature line. Make it clear that you know they're hiding something, that you already know what it is, and that yes, you will make them pay. Dearly.

Of course, real auditors aren't like this (well, most of us, anyway)...but so what? This is the stereotype, and the stereotype is the fear.

I want to see pictures!

__________________
We need to discuss some of these deductions....